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AzurVerse: Observation 7. Diplomatic Tension.

2020.07.10 07:41 Moondial19 AzurVerse: Observation 7. Diplomatic Tension.

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The rain seemed never-ending. It fell in stage curtains, blackening everything in a thick grey shade. Along with the biting wing and shrieking thunder, this was definitely a bad time to do something. Unfortunately, the world doesn't stop moving during a tropical storm. Even for a pair of twins.
"RUN! Put your foot into it!"
"I'M RUNNING! I'M RUNNING!"
Running as fast as the wind allows across the port were Selene and Cross, drenched to the point of saturation.
"We're almost there!"
"I know! I know!"
Through the haze of rain and wind, a large brick building appears. The main Lecture Hall. They rushed through the doors at breakneck speed. Taking a breather at the entrance, the pair began to quickly take off their inundated clothes. After all, there was something important to be done.
"I like watching storms as much as the next guy, but running through them is just awful!"
"Yeah, it must be bad for misses 'I conveniently lost my umbrella in the wind so I had to steal the only one my brother had'!"
"I did! Just ask Enty!"
"Yeah right..."
"Besides, you look good in that!"
"I'm only wearing this because my building is out of power and my jackets are still dirty."
"Well I think you should wear it more, regardless of the weather."
Cross was never one to care about fashion, being a proud practitioner in the function over form philosophy, however today was an exception. Along with his standard jeans and long-sleeve/undershirt combo, he wore a white with black trims caplet that reached from his shoulders all the way down to his thighs. Dotted along the caplet were grey dragonflies, Cross' favorite animal. It was a present from Cleveland for Cross' birthday. Cleveland's sowing skills surprising all except Helena who helped her make it. Fortunately for him, the caplet came with a hood, and for the most part, it's waterproof. Cross slowly took the caplet off and carefully hanged it a coat hanger, one that was already adorned with many different coats and jackets of various styles and designs.
"Looks like everyone else is here..."said Cross. If there was one good thing to come out of this day, it's that everyone arrived on time, a rare sight at the base. Especially with this current weather.
"Good, that means we can started right away." responded Selene. She continued, "Did your emergency handouts made it okay?"
"Yeah..." Cross said while pulling a folder out from under his long-sleeve shirt, "good thing that caplet was water-proof, or else these would've gotten ruined."
"Yeah, and we wouldn't want your precious handouts ruined, now would we?"
"Shut it."
"Now then...let's begin."
The pair brushed each other up and slowly walked down the hallway towards a large pair of wooden doors, guarded by two German battlecruisers. Even with them being closed, the distinctive chatter of many Kansens echoed from inside the room. After a quick sigh and a straightening of her cap, Selene and Cross walked up to the door.
"Commander, Head Researcher."
"Hey you two."
"Good afternoon Gneisenau, Scharnhorst, is everything ready?" Selene asked.
"Affirmative, Commander. All of the equipment has been set up according to your specifications, in addition, all participants have been provided the necessary pencil, spare sheets of paper, and towels as per your brother's request." Gneisenau responded.
"And we're here to beat anyone up who tries to get in!" Scharnhorst added.
"We are on guard duty sister, not active combat patrol." Gneisenau retorted.
"Same thing!"
"Ladies, can we please get in?" said Cross.
"Please, come in." responded Gneisenau.
The two ships parted and allowed the twins to pass through the door. On the other side was one of the few lecture halls used by the some of the more experienced ships to pass down their knowledge to the newer acquisitions to the fleet. Sitting in the many rows of seats are the respective leaders of each faction in Azur Lane, along with a few aids. Standing at the front podium were Belfast and Sheffield, attentive as always. They both bowed as the twins approached and quietly moved off to the side, just in case their services were needed. Cross and Selene stood behind the podium, Selene clearing her throat and Cross checking over his folder. All the while, the room was still full of voices, as if the audience haven't even noticed their arrival, or just didn't care at the moment.
"Hello? Is this-okay then. Alright everyone, quiet down so we can start."
Selene's voice cut through the noise with her characteristic soft yet commanding voice. The room slowly but surely quieted down. After the room fell silent, Selene continued.
"Thank you. Anyways, welcome everyone. I know the circumstances of today's meeting are a little difficult, especially with our original meeting hall being currently flooded, but I want to thank everyone for attending today. So, with that out of the way, let us begin with our Bimonthly Faction Meeting."
The Bimonthly Faction Meeting, was an idea put foreword by Cross to help lesson the tension that still exists between the many different factions currently at the base. While they may be united under one banner, old storms still brew between them. Selene liked the idea and began holding the meetings. The effect these meetings have been hard to discern, but Selene is hopeful they've helped.
"Before we get started, let us begin with role-call." said Cross
Cross has always hated public speaking. The idea of many eyes watching his every move wasn't a pleasant one to him. However, he has certainly improved since being stationed at the base. His improvement came in small steps, mostly due to his time ordering Akashi and Yuubari around. Eventually, in a few years, he was capable of leading small fleets around. But he always left the public works to his sister. Cross pulled out a sheet of paper from his folder and a pencil from his pocket.
"Washington."
"Here." The boastful leader of the Eagle Union, wearing her confidence as always. To her right sat Brooklyn, an expert in foreign "diplomacy" and to her left was Enterprise. Enterprise and Selene exchanged quick waves before Cross continued.
"Nagato."
"I am here." The soft-spoken miko of the Sakura Empire, looking as if not a single drop touched her. To her right sat her ever-present protector, Kawakaze. To her left was a slightly annoyed Akagi. It wasn't hard to see why, as her hair and tails were absolutely soaked.
"Queen Elizabeth."
"I am present." The Royal Monarch, defiant to a fault. Accompanying her was Edinburgh to her right, looking suddenly worried as if shocked by her Queen's brazen attempt to outdo Nagato. To her left was Warspite, giving a silent apology to Nagato, who looked confused by the whole incident.
"Bismarck."
"Present." Cold as always, the iron-willed leader of the Ironblood, careful not to show any weakness, even here. To her left was Prinz Eugen, silently amusing at the developing situation with the Royal Navy and the Sakura Empire. To her right sat her sister, Tirpitz looking, as usual, indifferent to everything around her.
"Yat Sen."
"Present!" The voluntary leader of the Eastern Radiance, always trying to display the glory and power of her nation, in some shape or form. Probably to make up for the small size of their fleet. Flanking her are Ping Hai and Ning Hai, looking disinterested and somewhat hungry.
"Vittorio."
"Present." While her sister Littorio held the title of leader for a while, Vittorio, after some convincing, reclaimed her role as the flagship. She now leads her fleet proudly and with distinction. Littorio sat to her right, still wearing a rose tucked into her hair, looking out at the other ships with a look of curiosity. To her left was Zara, always keen on standing with her friends.
"Rossiya."
"Here." The frozen Empress. Her addition to the fleet caused some ruckus in the other factions, mainly because no one particularly likes the Northern Union, but she has made some effort to bridge the gap, so to speak, between herself and the other flagships, with mixed success. Sat to her right was Avrora, a veteran fighter and much more familiar with Azur Lane than her comrades, and to her left sat Chapayev, coy as always.
"Richelieu and Jean Bart"
"Present."
"Aye."
Sat close but not too close to one another were the pirate and the cardinal. The process of reunification between the Iris Libre and the Vichya Dominion has been slow as of late, but fortunately, no one has shelled each other. The sisters have begun to repair their broken relationship as well, though it has became a bit complicated due to the addition of Gascogne. Each sister brought their own assistants. Richelieu brought Jeanne d'Arc and Le Triomphant, both of which are happy to see their former allies, and Jean brought Dunkerque and Algerie, who are a bit more tense about the situation they're in.
"Alright then, everyone's here. Sis, you can begin."
"Okay then. First things first, our current weather situation."
Cross handed Selene a sheet of paper, the latest weather report, while Akashi, who is manning the projector, started the slideshow.
"According to WMO, Typhoon Frank-"
A quiet snicker could be heard in the room.
"-is expected to pass completely over the islands in two days. We are currently working on restoring power to all buildings relatively unaffected by the storm, however, buildings moderately to heavily damaged will have to wait for the floodwaters to recede so we don't cause more problems. As for the storm itself-"
Bismarck quickly raised her hand.
"Oh, yes Bismarck?"
"Are you positive that the current meteorological phenomenon assailing us is not the product of Siren intervention or action?"
"Uh...Cross?" Selene whispered.
"It's not Bismarck, I've checked five separate times. All of our navigation, communication, observation and detection equipment are still running fine. Nor has Purifier tried hacking into our comms to prank-call us. Trust me, we're not under attack."
"That is good to hear, Head Researcher." and with that Bismarck lowered her hand.
"Anyone else, got any questions about the storm?" Selene called out.
A few other ships raised their hands.
"Not about the potential for Siren involvement."
Everyone but Queen Elizabeth lowered their hands.
"Do you have a question Elizabeth?"
"Yeah I do! I specifically ordered for some summer clothes and tea leaves and they have yet to arrive! What's taking them so long?!"
This time, Cross spoke up.
"Driving transport ships through a major storm like this is very dangerous, so they took a different route. Ironically enough, our shipment of storm equipment and clothing is being held back by this very storm, so if you girls ordered anything, it will probably take a while for it to come here. As for the tea shipment, we lost contact with it a few days ago but the weather is too bad to mount a search for it."
"But-but, my TEA!"
"Elizabeth, please, calm down." said Selene.
"Fine! But it better arrive soon! I can't relax without my tea!"
"Anyone else, no? Alright then."
The sound of wind and rain can still be heard, even through the thick walls of the lecture hall. Despite this, the meeting continued.
"Our next topic of discussion would be upgrading. We have successfully managed to stockpile a large amount of usable spare-parts and tech to repair and replace some aging equipment on your girls riggings."
Many Kansens began speaking, conversations and speculations about the sudden news. The prospects of fresh and new gear was enticing to all.
"Quiet down everyone. We can begin refitting after the storm has passed and basic base functions are returned to full capacity. There is one issue though."
Any conversations that continued stopped suddenly.
"As you all know, the storm has caused damage to many of the buildings on-site. Unfortunately, that includes the storehouse, where the parts are stored. Due to this, a lot of the parts have been damaged, some beyond repair. As a result of this, we only have limited parts available. We will need to decide where those parts will go too."
Aside from the howling wind and scratching rain, the room was completely silent.
"I know it's a complicated issue..." Selene resumed.
"But, I know we can come to a-"
Muffled noises started coming from the right-side doors. While no clear words could be heard, it was clear that several different voices were coming from behind the doors.
"It appears we are under attack." said Bismarck while standing up from her chair.
Her compatriots also stood up looking fiercely at the door.
"Pests. I'll take care of them quick." said Sheffield as she cracked her knuckles.
"Oy! I've been looking to blow off some steam!" Jean also began to rise, stretching while doing so.
"If they want a fight, we'll give 'em one!" Washington joined into the fray.
Before anything else happened, Selene yelled at the slowly arming attendants.
"Wait! You can't just start shooting up the place! Listen!"
Everyone quieted down, though they stayed standing, staring intensely at the doors. In the gaps of the howling wind, a few words can be heard.
"I...no"
"...I'm the...it!"
"Who made you...boss?"
"We..."
"SHUT IT!!!!"
After hearing Scharnhorst's voice cry out, Selene quickly reached for her phone and called Gneisenau. After a few tense seconds, she picked up.
"Hey! Is anything wrong?"
"What? Interlopers? What do you...oh."
All of the intensity of the moment quickly fled as Selene heard what was going on.
"Sis, what's going on?" asked a worried Cross.
"It's them." Selene deadpanned.
"Who?"
Right after Cross asked that, the argument outside grew in intensity, their voices much clearer now. Upon hearing a few words, all notion of danger also left Cross, replaced by ever growing annoyance.
"Let. Us. IN!"
"For the last time, NO!"
"I got this...I am Matsuri! Champion of Hololive and future wife to Fubuki! I will not be stopped! AYYYYYYYYYYY...*thonk*...owwwwwww"
"Can we please stop trying to punch them?"
"I don't see you trying to do anything Pinky!"
"Hey! Fakkyu!"
"We are wasting our time here, I wanted to read some more."
"You can read when we're done Blanny!"
"My name is Blanc."
As the scuffle continued, everyone slowly came to the realization and collectively sat down. Some, almost looking disappointed. Others, especially Sheffield, very annoyed.
"Uhhh...can we please talk to the Commander?"
"Commander Vale is currently busy holding a very important meeting with the flagships of the many factions of Azur Lane. These meetings are imperative to maintaining the stability of the fleet. These meetings, which you are now interrupting. I will ask nicely one more time. Vacate the premises immediately, or be considered enemies of the Ironblood."
Serious as always...thought Cross. By now, the entire room has begun to voice their grievances.
"We're members of this fleet too you know!"
Deciding enough is enough, Selene got back on her phone.
"Hey. Yeah I can hear them. Yes, they're very bright. Hey, ummm...let them in. Yeah, you heard me correctly, let them in. That's an order."
"What are you doing?" Cross whispered to Selene.
"Crisis prevention." she responded.
The doors were quickly opened and running out from was a girl. Her hair is lavender, as well as her eyes and dominating her look was a large white jacket covered with plus signs. She quickly ran up to the front of the podium and posed dramatically.
"Finally! I thought we would never get past those witches!"
"Hello Neptune..."
Neptune, Goddess of Planeptune, or so she says, as she has yet to display anything resembling divinity. Even when using her HDD. Ever since she showed up suddenly at the base with her friends, things have become much more interesting at the base. Especially to Cross who has yet to deduce how exactly they got here.
"Heya Commander! Watch any lewd st-"
"NO! I mean...*cough*...what are you doing here."
"To be with you of course...and to represent the proud faction of Planeptune!"
"How are you dry!?" asked Cross.
"My model only comes in normal, beach episode, stripped or bedtime. I don't have one for soaked."
"What?"
"Regardless..." Selene intervened, "what do you want Neptune?"
"To be in the meeting, of course!"
"You want to be part of this meeting."
"Yep! I even brought some associates of mine! Here we have Noire..."
"Don't put attention on me!" Noire shrieked.
"And...everyone's favorite! Blanc!"
"Hello, apologies for interrupted your meeting." Blanc droned.
"Don't forget about us!"
Behind the three goddesses were more colorful (literally) characters, to the amusement/displeasure of everyone else in the room, who were silently watching the scene play out. Even Akashi was now watching as an idol, fox and high-school cheerleader walked in accompanied by brown and pink haired triplets.
"Kizuna, Sora." said Selene, noticing the two walk up to the podium as well.
"Hai domo!"
"Good afternoon, Commander!"
"I assume you want to be here as well."
"If you want us to be...that is." said Sora.
"Come on Sora! Show some backbone!" cheered Neptune.
"While I appreciate backbone Neptune, I do not tolerate insurrection and disobedience." said Selene.
"If you want to join," she continued, "please quietly take some unoccupied seats so we can resume, okay?"
"Jeez, you're starting to sound like that bookworm. Whelp, whatever you say boss!" responded Neptune, much to the anger of Bismarck. She then pulled a slowly fuming Noire and a blank Blanc over to some seats in the back.
"We'll go and sit down, come Fubuki and Matsuri, we can find some seats over here." Sora led the her kitsuneko and under MP investigation friend over to near where the Sakura ships were sitting.
"Come on girls! Let's show our patience and attentive skills!" Kizuna cheered as she walked with two near exact copies of herself to a few empty seats in the middle row.
"Okay then...now we can resume."
Everyone started to settle down as Selene resumed the presentation.
"As I said before, we have a limited amount of parts available, so we need to create a system to best distribute them. I don't want anyone left out so...any ideas?"
"Equal distribution to all Commander, it only makes sense." said Rossiya.
"But we need them more than you! Most of us took a beating during the last operation! You joined the game late!" yelled Elizabeth.
"I will have to disagree, unlike your Royal Navy, we will utilize them to much greater affect." chimed Bismarck.
"Oh yeah? Who asked you turtleback?!"
The entire lecture hall quickly devolved into arguments as many different ships began fighting over pieces of metal. The recent arrivals however, were mostly quiet. Mostly. Sora and her friends where silently looking around at the mess with some astonishment. The Kizunas were trying, unsuccessfully, to perform damage control and Neptune was trying to squeeze her way into some of the arguments. Much to the dismay of Noire.
"How long did that last?" Selene asked.
"About forty seconds, new record." responded Cross as he looked at his pocket-watch.
The venue was quickly getting more violent as arguments heated up to the point that their soggy clothes felt drier by the second.
"Okay then, have any ideas?"
"Distribute them on a need-to-need basis. When the gear on them gets unusable, we give them the new stuff while scrapping their old gear for any usable parts. Waste not, want not kind of thing."
The aids were beginning to get involved as verbal shells were lobbed every which way. Belfast and Sheffield, still waiting off to the side of the podium, looked somewhat indifferent. It's not the first time a fight of this magnitude broke out. Akashi, however, was having a blast.
"That might work...do you think we have enough though?"
"I made some estimates...we should have enough."
While rules forbid the activation of rigging inside most buildings, that didn't stop anyone from using other means to hurt each other.
"We'll see how it goes."
"So...you're going to stop this?"
Belfast, attentive as always, has already called Vestal to come over just in case. Sheffield on the other hand, stood ready to intercept any projectile that could harm Selene. Not Cross though...
"Not for a few more moments. This will help them blow off some steam without blowing the roof of the building. I know the past few weeks have been very stressful for them so this might help...somewhat."
"You should do it soon. Jean and Richelieu are starting to pull at each other's hairs and Bismarck is starting to have her murder stare."
"I got this, we'll discuss the fine details later. You might want to close your ears."
Selene leaned into the microphone, took a deep breath and...
"WOULD ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!!!!"
Yelled with the force equal to the storm still raging outside. The entire hall looked like it was frozen, as if framed in a photograph. As if time itself has stopped. All of the attendants stared at each other awkwardly with faces of mixed shock, embarrassment, horror and amusement. Each of them took turns lowering down onto their seats, their movements janky and stuttered.
"Everyone calmed down? Good. Now, seeing how you girls failed to come to an agreement, I will be deciding what is going to happen. After the storm has passed, Cross and I will take stock of spare pieces and decide what is the best way to distribute them, okay?"
"But-"
"No buts! We will figure this out, okay? Is that fine?"
Some of the attendants silently nodded while the rest of the them remained silent.
"Good. Now, onto other matters. Our Independence Day party is still on so I need everyone to be on their A game for the preparations. We're expecting some of the Admiralty to be present so I want this to be good! We have the fireworks and standard performances already planned out...but..."
The mood quickly turned to dull to bubbling excitement. While Independence Day is an Eagle Union celebration, multiple other factions also take part in the event. From the Radiance helping with the fireworks to the Sakura Empire prepping the food.
"We still have several empty slots for performances, so, if anyone has any ideas. Would you please, one at a time, voice them?"
Washington was quick to raise her hand first.
"Sandy, Sara and Lex have been bugging us about something called and 'Idol' performance for this party. You think you can possibly arrange that?"
The thought of San Diego performing in front of the people who pay both of them as well as get funding for the base scared greatly both Cross and Selene. So she tried to drop the idea.
"W-well...you see...we just had the Polaris performance not too long ago so wouldn't it be-"
Unfortunately for the twins, the idea quickly caught on.
"Z36 and Z35 have frequently requested something akin to this performance." Bismarck added.
"A few among our ranks have also brought up similar requests as well." said Nagato.
"Come to think of it...I distinctly remember Javelin wanting one also..." chimed Elizabeth.
"I've always wanted to see one for myself." said Rossiya.
Soon the entire room became flooded with talk about outfits and routines as the many ships began parading their idol groups while others began drawing plans for ousting the competition. What started a a simple performance vacancy quickly became an idol contest. While they're not fighting each other, this fact did nothing to help Selene's quickly souring mood.
"Hey! We can try on some of your cosplays for the contest! What do ya think?"
"No way in hell Neptune!"
"Do you think Graf Spee would want to put on that outfit again? She looked rather embarrassed the last time..."
"I know you two performed so well during the Polaris trails, so I know you can do it again! I'll make sure to give you all plenty of yummy food for your big performance!"
"Idols? That's dumb as hell."
"I don't know, I'm sure Emile would love to perform, perhaps we should ask her...?"
As far as Cross was concerned, there was no hope in trying to steer the conversation away from the dreadful prospect of an idol competition for the Forth of July party. Especially in front of the admiralty. His sister on the other hand, was never one to give up.
"Whelp," Cross said to his sister, "you really messed up this time."
"How is this my fault?"
"You could've shot it down but you let it fly. Now it's bombing your hopes for a good Forth of July."
"I can't just say no to them without a good reason!"
"Without a good reason?"
"Yeah, I can't just walk up and say, 'hey I know you're looking forward to this thing but I'll have to cancel it so we don't look like a bunch of loons in front of our guest!"
"I think they would understand."
"Do you? It's like trying to steer a battleship when they get ideas, once it goes it just goes. Dammed iterta."
"Inertia."
"Whatever."
"Besides, steering a battleship isn't that hard."
"Have you ever steered a battleship before?"
"Partly. Amagi let me turn her steering-wheel a bit."
"Wait, she let you touch her wheel?"
"She was in dock so there wasn't any danger of me running her into a reef."
"What where you even doing on her?"
"She said something about an inspection of sorts. Couldn't find anything wrong."
The discussion about the idol competition was starting to become more organized, as the flagships were beginning to arrange a schedule. Though negotiations appeared to be in a deadlock.
"Regardless! I'd rather not have the end of my professional career be an idol show."
"Well, what are you going to do about it? If you're so scared about looking-"
"I got it! I'll just get the Party Planning Committee!"
"You're going to requisition the Party Planning Committee, an organization you approved to be created, to cancel an idea you let get out of control."
"You make it sound like my plan is doomed to fail."
"Oh I'm sure your planned is doomed to something."
"I just need to go to the person in charge of the Committee. By the way, who's in charge of it now?"
"That would be Lexington."
Knowing she now has no chance to stop this runaway train, Selene all but fainted and collapsed onto the podium. Only Cross, Belfast and Sheffield noticed this happened, to which the maids quickly moved her to the hallway to try and resuscitate her.

30 minutes later...

The meeting had concluded, better than most had, as all of the ships left the building, their dreams of achieving song-and-dance related victory making the intense rain and wind a little more tolerable. Selene made a full recovery physically, though her psyche was still damaged. She left escorted by Enterprise to her office under Cross' umbrella, mumbling the entire way there. Seemingly unaware of everything around her. All that's left was Cross and Akashi, who were both cleaning up.
"Everything is turned off and secure, nya!"
"Thanks for manning the projector Akashi."
"I'll do anyathing for a friend in need nya!"
"For the right price, I assume."
"You knyaw me too well."
"Indeed I do."
Cross went around the empty lecture hall, making sure all the lights were off and any personal items were collected. As usual, Elizabeth forgot her "special pen" and whatever perfume Nagato was wearing rubbed off and is now permeating the air around the seats where she sat. After everything was where it should be, he and Akashi moved to the front door.
"Do you need any help getting to the dorms?"
"Nyope! I got my own little contraption me and Yuubari worked on!"
Akashi pulled out a long, dark green raincoat out of seemingly nowhere.
"Impressed, nya?"
"Is the coat the contraption?"
"Nyo silly! What it was stored in is!"
"Oh."
"Anyaway, I'll be off! I got to make sure none of my special stash got ruined by the rain!"
"Take care Akashi."
"You too sir!"
She quickly put the coat on and dashed through the door. She disappeared into the haze of rain not too far from the building. Leaving Cross alone.
"Whelp, everything's locked up and off. Hopefully nothing gets inundated here as well. Later, I really need to take stock of our supply depot, so I can work something out..."
Unknown to Cross, a quiet shadow has been watching him since he walked up to the door. Standing off to the side, in complete silence, she decided to make her presence known.
"Good afternoon, Cross."
He should've been scared. If not for the fact that this happened so often he became accustomed to it.
"Hello Amagi."
Out of a doorway leading to one of the maintenance closets stood Amagi. She softly stepped out of the doorway, into the light of the storm. She was wearing a kimono, as usual, but instead the well-designed and intricate dresses she normally wears, this one was plain violate, with no patterns whatsoever. The only distinguishing factor this one had was its slight reflective shine, as if it had a glaze of some kind.
"Do you like my new look?"
"It's rather plain for your tastes Amagi. Is your washer out of commission as well?"
"No Cross, our clothes washer is fine. And yes, this one is rather plain, unfortunately. This is my only dress that has some manner of water-protection, such a shame, really. *cough, cough*. I was really looking forward to wearing some nice and comfortable clothing today."
"Why are you here exactly?
"Why else, taking you home."
"Excuse me?"
"I have recently found out that you have gifted your only umbrella to your sister so...*cough*...I thought it would be nice of me to drop by to share mine. I am confident that my umbrella is much stronger than any you will find in stores."
Materializing out of thin air in a spark of purple flame was her umbrella. It consisted of only a few parts, a long metal shaft leading up to a red top. While mostly used to have shade from the sun, due to its sturdy constitution, it can be used for rain as well. Though it can be quite noisy.
"I'll be fine by my self Amagi, though I appreciate your concern."
Cross took the caplet off of its hook and began to put it on, careful to not let the zip from getting snagged on his shirt.
"Ah...I remember that gift Cleveland gave to you. It looks even nicer up close."
"She put a lot of work into it, typical Cleveland."
"I see..."
Cross finished putting the caplet on. Making sure that the folder he brought was safely tucked away under his arm underneath all of his clothing, be looked out the glass door, waiting for a break in the wind to book it.
"Cross, please, let me accompany you. I would hate for you to get sick."
"I'm more worried about you getting sick than me, Amagi. Besides, I'm a surprisingly fast runner."
"Cross..."
Amagi walked closer to him, to the point where they were almost touching.
"Please...just let me escort you home. It's much safer that way."
"How so?" the seriousness of his question doing little to dull the blush slowly forming on his cheeks.
"You know how keen the eyes and ears of a fox are, correct?"
"I don't know how-"
"And so by being with me, the odds of encountering potentially dangerous situations become significantly less, correct?"
She leaned a bit closer.
"I guess so-"
"So, scientifically and statistically speaking, it is not only much safer to walk with me, but also much smarter? *cough*. May I add that I too, possess equipment to protect us from the rain as well as my fire manipulation to quickly dry off any wet clothing we may have."
"Yeah...sure"
Cross' look of bewilderment mixed with awkwardness completely contrasted Amagi's look of confidence and joy.
"So then," she reached out her hand, "let us be off then?"
"Sure..."
Cross still had no idea how to handle that strange situation, but with Amagi insisting, the best choice would be to just go with it. Cross slowly took Amagi's hand, to which she quickly intertwined their arms and pulled him even closer. Before Cross could say anything, they were already out the door. Amagi's umbrella, offering some, though limited, protection against the onslaught. While Amagi would've loved to enjoy the walk together, Cross all but sprinted home, dragging Amagi with him. Partly from the storm, and partly to escape that ever increasingly awkward situation.

A few days later...

In a large violate sea, a pale girl sat alone on a stone pillar jutting out of the fake sea. She wore an expression of shear boredom as she kicked her feet to the rhythm of an absent song.
"Stupid Observer and her stupid rules!"
It was Purifier, one of the most dangerous weapons in the Siren Armada, bored out of her mind.
"Next time, she going to have to kill me to disable my long-range comms! So what if I accidentally reveal classified information when I prank call them! It's not my fault we don't just go over there and blow them up! AhhhhhhHHHHHH!"
With a quick jump, Purifier launched herself off of the rock. She landed back on the ocean's surface, effortlessly floating just above the edge. With her arms crossed, a large mechanical beast appeared behind her. Her rigging, its yellow lights glowing intensely with anger.
"What are those bums doing anyway? That lousy storm should've ended by now."
A few yellow screens appeared in front of Purifier, each full of information which she began ti study fiercely. The information displayed were scouting reports, intercepted transmissions, anything and everything Azur Lane was doing in the area. While many of the reports were boring, a few caught her eye.
"Ah. Having a little party are we?"
Purifier began to study the report in more detail. It was an order for supplies. Most of the contents were pretty standard for a massive party. However, it was the secondary order that was the most interesting. Stage lights, stereos, costumes, makeup. All listed under the order for an "Idol Competition." Purifier's eyes light up with excitement.
"Just what I needed! Oh! I get to wear that outfit I stole from that Commander's closet! This will be great! Look out stardom, here I come!"
Purifier dashed away at full speed towards the Siren Main Spire, cutting the water in twain, in search of her repurposed uniform.

July 3rd...

While Cross was against the whole idea of the Idol Competition, he somehow got roped into organizing the whole mess. Standing behind the nearly complete stage, he began to look over the names of the contestants. Mostly to help determine a schedule for the performers. Most of the names were familiar, though there were a few surprises. One name in particular, however, looked oddly suspicious.
"Purrichi? Where have I...wait."
The name sounded familiar, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. As the pieces began to assemble themselves, a realization emerged in his head.
"Not again..."

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submitted by Moondial19 to AzureLane [link] [comments]


2020.07.09 08:41 Justwonderinif Golden State Killer Timeline I

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Golden State Killer Timeline II >>>
submitted by Justwonderinif to GoldenStateKiller [link] [comments]


2020.07.09 07:36 Justwonderinif Golden State Killer Timeline I

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submitted by Justwonderinif to Timelines [link] [comments]


2020.07.09 03:29 Justwonderinif Golden State Killer Timeline I

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Golden State Killer Timeline II >>>
submitted by Justwonderinif to GSkOrigins [link] [comments]


2020.07.08 03:12 s-nomadd Cutting people out?

I recently got together with my ex again (before covid). We had many problems and made "promises" to each other when we got back together. One of these promises, from his end, was that he was going to stop talking to a friend he had. I was happy to hear that. I no longer wanted this person in my life, directly or indirectly.
Some backstory: A for friend, B for boyfriend.
A knew of my existence but would invite B out to bars/clubs to hit on girls. I was never okay with this but it happened anyway. Months later, I made an attempt to hang out with A so that we could all go out together but was told I was not allowed to go out with them because it would be boring. A made this decision. I was only allowed to hang out with them if we were only going out to eat. B was in agreement with A for all of the above. Then a few days later it changed to no outings at all because A felt there was no point in meeting me. A was B's bestfriend. I never met A once in the 1 yr that I had been with B. A lives in LA and B lives in San Diego. I don't think thats a valid excuse given that we go to LA every weekend.
Anyway, that exclusion from both of them was the last straw for me and one of the many reasons why I left him before.
Fast forward to now, B told me that he only said he would stop talking to A because he was angry with A at the time of the initial promise. B was never going to fulfill his promise. Apparently A had been flaking on B because A got a gf. A's gf didn't want A going out like before, so A would reject (ex during this time) B's invites. This angered B because B felt it was unfair of A to not want to go out with him given that B would go out whenever A requested at my expense.
So, I asked B again to give up the "friendship" and B said no. B explained that A has been a great friend to him. A wasn't a good person to me, but that does not matter because A has been a great friend to him. B has apologized for his past decision to agree with A at the time and has said that he will never allow that to happen again, but this doesn't sit well with me anymore.
Am I wrong to ask him to cut A out?
submitted by s-nomadd to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.07.06 18:01 PeacefulLoveBeing My personal views on (1) early transition and how I feel versus appear, (2) marital disharmony and disagreement with respect to public appearance and coming out to children of the marriage, and (3) whether I wish I got married to my partner at all

Background
So for context, my wife, son and I went to Nordstroms yesterday since I really needed to buy makeup. I have had foundation in the past, and borrowed with (and yes, in the past without--not right but true) my wife's consent lipstick, eyshadow and mascara, but had no proper makeup set or training. It was a beautiful thing, and not at all scary, but this is after years of therapy, and after wearing nail polish in public, and undergarments in the past (painting the toes is always the most stealth assuming you cover up your feet, and I did that a year ago with underwear--a few times at work, before I began working at home also around a year ago. And so it went quite well and was lovely, my son however was not strictly informed what I was doing--not by my choice or concern, but in respect of my wife's wishes. Our experiences during and after caused me to reflect on the post concepts outlined in the title...
Early transition and how I feel versus appear
At Nordi's, before I bought my make up I walked around with my son wearing the polish, but appeared otherwise male (my hair is long, but I would say with black nail polish I just look "alt" not necessarily MTF), and felt that I had a sort of "armor" on in that people would just assume I was "different" or "weird", and that was ok since I did not want anyone saying anything nasty in front of my son.
When I went to get sunglasses the male clerk kept pushing me towards male sunglasses even though I kept trying on female sunglasses (I want them for my drive(s) up to West Hollywood--honestly just to walk around as myself and build up confidence and deconstruct my feapanic response, which in tandem kept me in a dark dungeon-like closet for 30 years, and have prevented me from exiting the upper floors of the same closet where I can see the light but cannot get there in a sense (mostly since my wife is resisting and has been for years), but I digress).
The stylist, however, I tell right away that "I am a transitioner", he later tells me he is gay and that growing up in the 90's it was still hard int he city, and we swap closet stories and info, but it still takes a bit more prodding for him to initially understand that I am trans and am placing my makeup and skin-care needs (apparently you need a regimen for that first, yes I know nothing).
My voice is manly. I look manly. I am in many ways what many men want to be, a financially successful attorney in orange county, why would I do this to myself if it was not an innate need? But still, I do not feel female, and still do not know if I ever will or can--I have been battered my whole life with explicit and subtle transphobia and thus hate(d) myself most of my life and lived in shame. Now I see a light, but it is still way up on the ceiling and I need to make a rope ladder or something--luckily HRT might provide the rope, but I still nonetheless need to design the ladder--or in other words figure out how to create my feminine self out of my male self.
For instance, as discussed, make up skills? Uber-beginner (my wife also is not a make up person, more of a tom boy, so not a ton of help there, but still she wants to help me today and I appreciate that :) Clothes? Getting better, but I am nearly 6 ft tall and my feet are big, I also have to deal with the "you know" which in my case is harder rather than easier we will just say. Hair? Well I am growing it out, Covid provides a great work excuse, but it takes time--wigs are an option but I do not like to worry about it falling off (I know there are clips, but I have none and no experience--yes I need to go to a wig store, but the priority has been marriage restructuring and I have not got to it yet, but I will). Mannerisms? I walk like a mack truck, swaying feels awkward and unnatural, I need practice--but when? I know it will come, but for now it is not there. Voice? I have a low strong voice, and I sing so I do not know if I want to alter it a ton, but it does not say "female" really at all.
I can keep going, but the bottom line is my appearance is far more male than female, and even though I know my gender "crosses the line into the female" that my appearance is still very much not in line with that. So do I use female pronouns? Not really--if its an ally or a therapist, sure, but my wife? If she does it on her own, ok, but I do not push it--in part, because I still feel "ridiculous"--I know I look like a guy; which is part of the reason I feel unstable. My mind is pushing me towards crossing the gender line, but society is pulling me the other way.
This might explain the kind of ebb and flow at least for me between male and female, especially during early transition: Society (including my wife) pulls me towards male, and my mind pulls me towards female (as I feel more stable, content and my libido reduces to a "comfortable" level, allowing me to pursue actual interests such as losing weight and writing stuff like this...).
So we feel female, but are pushed towards male and that may be why it seems confusing; there is an internal tug-of-war inside my head, literally, between the judgement of others and our true selves.
Marital Disharmony, coming out to children, and presenting in public
The day yesterday, getting make up and some fem sunglasses, all seemed great. My wife worked hard to watch my son, I watched our son while she got some (a lot less, but she is not super into it so that makes sense for her) makeup, and I felt great.
We drive home and my wife keeps prodding me about what I got, but insisting that we somehow hide the obvious fact from our son that I also got makeup; I keep telling her that if she wants me to shut-up about it that she should stop asking, since I find the whole code thing childish, and eventually she stops.
We have dinner and we are talking while our son is elsewhere and she drops it on me "[she comes in close and lowers her head and voice like she is expressing a deep, dark secret] well, you know, you cannot wear any of that stuff in front our son" to which I reply, getting a bit agitated and upset "do you understand that what you are saying is hurtful?" She tries to continue, but out of respect for her wish not discuss anything with our son in earshot and because I am simply too upset to be nice, I walk upstairs.
She goes upstairs, and softly beckons me. I ignore her initially, I am just too mad--and for context at why, when I came out to her a year ago her condition was that I NEVER EVER tell our son or any future children, or show them my femme self at all, so yes it is a big step to go get makeup and wear polish in the house, but this was the battle line she set: NEVER, and now she fired a salvo in my eyes again.
So I told her again my three alternatives, in an assertive/angry voice, but this is the only way she ever cares about any position I have about anything at all in the marriage, I do not like it, but its how our communication is patterned; I said "logically the only way for me forward is to get divorced and force the issue, push you into agreement as I have to do with everything or frankly die" I know that is dramatic, but I do have ideation going on with this and I do not want it. And I then say "At least we need to discuss this in therapy, as I need to tell our son something, he knows something is up but is confused and I am waiting for you to agree on what we are going to say since you have not agreed I can tell him", and she says "Well that's what I meant, we need at least 2 therapy sessions and we will do it".
So we have one next Thursday, but I honestly have no idea how she meant that we would figure out in therapy how to tell our son when she said I could not present feminine in front of him, but I accept it and move on; still this is a common theme in our marriage. Everything is a tension pull, and I am always pushing her along and she is always resisting. It is not pleasant, and I have no choice but to be dominant if I do not want to be pushed aside, but anyway, it is what it is until we change it I guess and my last hope is therapy....
Also, my wife is allowing me to go out in public now, but it is a huge process--I have to drive over to West Hollywood an hour away, I have to dress and "escape" surreptitiously without being seen by my son, and also ideally away from neighbors gazing eyes as well, not that any of them seem to care about us anyway--save the family whose son is in our potential same boy scouts troop; and then I have to sneak back in as well.
So in context, you might be able to appreciate, I need to socially transition and my wife is a roadblock. And so, in a way, I am "sleeping with the enemy" as far as my transition, even if the enemy is believing they are my greatest supporter. It is at least quite awkward and makes forthright communication difficult, and makes my tug-of-war between male and female all the more confounding and unstable.
Why did I get married anyway?
I grew up steeped in self-hatred and ignorance about what I was. I am old enough to have lived during the 90's and aughts where "gay" was an insult, and transgender was not even a concept to me. Every once in a while someone would say something negative about transfolk, and I always felt like being transgender was worse than death and would mean I could never have a meaningful life, or a career, children or a partner of any kind (particularly since I have always preferred women, and I had experienced so much female rejection as a man, I just could not imagine the scale of rejection as a transwoman--now I know that it probably would have been actually a lot easier, I just did not know where to look).
So I overcompensated as I have heard, I graduated magna cum laude (very close to summa) and busted by brain to go to law school, that was very unnatural for me but I still managed to be in the top half with a 3.18 GPA (I had a brief partner--where you write up and make oral arguments first year--who wanted to be romantically involved, we never did anything but she saddled me with all the work and my second semester grades suffered, but whatever; ironically she probably would have been a better wife, she was very "alt" and in prodding her she wanted a husband who was feminine, go figure, she reminded me of my mom which told me to "run"--love my mom, but she was always yelling, doing off, etc. and I was an only child with no father around so it was quite scary).
I met my wife at an odd time, my grandfather was very sick and I was living with him and my grandmother in Coronado and had just passed the CA Bar exam, but had not expected to pass so I had no job prospects. I was lonely so I did my usual, messaged girls on OkCupid (etc.) and acted like I would want to be talked to (which almost never worked, i.e. I did not act like what they expect a "man" to be like, because I am not one...), and I found this beautiful girl with gorgeous legs and threw out a message. She responded. And we talked about normal things and she never dropped off. This was sooo rare; but still I learned, it was not likely there would be more than a first date. So I asked her to come to me (I recently had gone to meet someone, bought Jamba juices for them at work and after walking all around downtown San Diego where we were supposed to me meet figured I had been blown off and gave the second drink to a nice homeless man in a wheel chair; for context) .
She drove down from North San Diego, and I only left when she told me she had arrived--such were my expectations for being stood up. I also, even though we met at a fancy restaurant, did not take her to dinner (I also had learned this was probably pointless--I figured I would probably die alone anyway, drama yes, but true feelings too), we walked at night along the beach and she was just super spunky and bubbly (I learned later that this was how she acted when she drank an energy drink); we had a great time, and did it again, and again and became solid "boyfriend" and girlfriend, eventually eloping and starting our lives together, after my grandfather died (I oversaw his hospice and was there at his moment of death, handled the body, etc. so it was a little stressful perhaps; but I am pretty tough I would say :).
Before marriage I was able to tell her I had been molested and suffered from what I would call "bisexual dysphoria", since I had no tendencies towards men until being sexually assaulted by a peer, but I just could not bring myself to tell her about the crossdressing. Really what we should have done was slow down and get into therapy, but she was 21 and I 25, and it was us against the world; so we got married (we got engaged in San Francisco, married in Long Beach--both have LGTBQ influences, so it is subtly ironic...)
Before getting married we had broken up a few times (the worst during my grandfather's death since my wife was acting like a spoiled child, she was 21 after all, and I had no time for it), mostly driven by me pushing her away to see what she would do since I had this "secret" that I hoped could be "cured" (and a therapist did bolster this perception, kind of malpractice but its the reality), and as newly weds living in a series of low income apartments as I searched for a job--I became depressed. I had freed myself from my grandparents (I was the caregiver, and in leaving there was a big schism, I was harassed by attorneys accused of theft, etc.--later I was cleared and ended up running the show again after my influenza family decided to act stupid and try to sue my grandma, but whatever), but now was in a sort of holding pattern with my wife.
Honestly, I wanted to be free. Free to be me.
But I also was depressed and when she pushed and pushed to have a baby I relented. I acted dumb, and on our second try it was done.
That is not to say I do not love my son, and love my wife, but it should have been: Therapy, disclosure; wife decided marry yes/no; if Yes, then more therapy; Josh transitions during marriage and wife decides stay yes/no; then child(ren). And for future generations I hope this is what it is almost 100% of the time, it was both partners and the child(ren) deserve.
So now I am in a spot where my wife is afraid to allow me to be me, I hold virtually all the financial cards and she has no interest in making changes--in fact wants to resist change--and I have to drag her along or leave her behind.
What do I do now
So now I try to save my marriage but recognize that my life is up to me. I am the only one who can care for me and love and accept myself--objectively, it is incredibly irresponsible for my wife to resist helping me transition and to address the underlying issues in therapy, but she is fearful and ignorant and cannot be brought up to speed quickly.
And so I guess I just take the risk that I finally push things too far as I work to even myself out.
Thanks for reading in any case, and sorry for the ramble; its hard to express all I want to given the inadequacy of the written word, time to write and my physical limitations...
In love and understanding,
Josie J. Esquire
submitted by PeacefulLoveBeing to u/PeacefulLoveBeing [link] [comments]


2020.07.06 17:48 Dave37 Signs of Collapse 2020 Q2

Hi /Collapse! I have been working on an ongoing project for over 4 years now nick-named “[Signs of collapse]”.
I try my best to not make this series into a rant about every little problem or mishap that’s going on. Even in a sustainable society accidents would happen and natural catastrophes would occur, seasons would vary in intensity from year to year and so on. So what I present here is my best attempt at distilling out anthropogenic anomalies.
I define a “sign of collapse” as a negative market externality that the current socioeconomic system for whatever reason hasn’t dealt with and is now ending up hurting people or the ecosystem. I try to pick studies and news that shows the occurring consequences of the current system’s failure to deal with externalities.
You are not the intended audience for this project, you're already agreeing with everything it presents. I post it here so that you can help me spread it and use/reuse the material elsewhere. Also feel free to solve any or all of the mentioned problems, it's fine if you only pick one.
Previous posts:

Signs of Collapse 2020 Q2

Police riots in the US
Human well-being & non-specific climate change
Economy, Politics & Industry
Biodiversity
Pests, viruses and bacterial infections
Heat waves, forest fires and tree loss
Pollution
submitted by Dave37 to collapse [link] [comments]


2020.07.06 17:46 Dave37 Signs of Collapse 2020 Q2

Hi /FridaysForFuture! I have been working on an ongoing project for over 4 years now nick-named “[Signs of collapse]”. We can all see how the natural world that we’re depending on is degrading at an increasing pace while the warnings of the scientific community are ignored. I think in order to reach a world that is truly sustainable and free from fossil fuels, it's imperative that everyone fully understand where we are now and which path we are on. To progress, we have to identify the problems and accept them for what they are if we wish to have any chance addressing them.
I try my best to not make this series into a rant about every little problem or mishap that’s going on. Even in a sustainable society accidents would happen and natural catastrophes would occur, seasons would vary in intensity from year to year and so on. So what I present here is my best attempt at distilling out anthropogenic anomalies.
I define a “sign of collapse” as a negative market externality that the current socioeconomic system for whatever reason hasn’t dealt with and is now ending up hurting people or the ecosystem. I try to pick studies and news that shows the occurring consequences of the current system’s failure to deal with externalities.
Urgent action is needed now and there's close to no upper limit to how radically environmentalist one can reasonably become at the present time. I hope this collection of catastrophes can serve as sharp ammunition in whatever project or strike you participate in.
Feel free to share any of the material or repost this on other suitable subreddits. If you would like to get involved in this project, don’t hesitate to chat me up.
Previous posts:

Signs of Collapse 2020 Q2

Police riots in the US
Human well-being & non-specific climate change
Economy, Politics & Industry
Biodiversity
Pests, viruses and bacterial infections
Heat waves, forest fires and tree loss
Pollution
submitted by Dave37 to FridaysForFuture [link] [comments]


2020.07.06 17:45 Dave37 Signs of Collapse 2020 Q2

Hi /LateStageCapitalism, I have for over 4 years collected studies and news articles that points to “[Signs of collapse]” of our current global market economy/society. Before I go on, let me first describe what I mean and how I use the term "sign of collapse". Because it's virtually impossible to point to definitive proof that our society is collapsing under the pressure of the market economy and since any one single event can't be justified proof, I've taken to collect a lot of indicators that we're in fact in the later stages of capitalism.
A "sign of collapse" is therefore a negative market externality that the current socioeconomic system for whatever reason hasn’t dealt with and is now ending up hurting people or the ecosystem. The idea is that when the amount, frequency and magnitude of these increases, they will start to destabilize the system.
I try my best to not make this series into a rant about every little problem or mishap that’s going on. Even in a sustainable society accidents would happen and natural catastrophes would occur, seasons would vary in intensity from year to year and so on. I try to pick studies and news that shows the occurring consequences of the current system’s failure to deal with externalities. I'm trying to avoid prognoses and instead only talk about what's happens right now, as it's easy to discard things that might not even occur.
I’m also trying to make the argument, and feel free to disagree with me and have a discussion, that “the collapse” that some people are waiting for that will apparently “wake up” people is occurring right now, and if you want to do something, you better hurry before it’s too late. And despite which path we’re on, we have to identify the problems and accept them for what they are if we wish to have any chance addressing them.
Feel free to share any of the material or repost this on other suitable subreddits. If you would like to get involved in this project, don’t hesitate to chat me up.
Previous posts:

Signs of Collapse 2020 Q2

Police riots in the US
Human well-being & non-specific climate change
Economy, Politics & Industry
Biodiversity
Pests, viruses and bacterial infections
Heat waves, forest fires and tree loss
Pollution
submitted by Dave37 to LateStageCapitalism [link] [comments]


2020.07.06 17:43 Dave37 Signs of Collapse 2020 Q2

Hi /TZM! I have been working on an ongoing project for over 4 years now nick-named “[Signs of collapse]”. I’m confident the world is getting worse, but despite which path we’re on, we have to identify the problems and accept them for what they are if we wish to have any chance addressing them.
I try my best to not make this series into a rant about every little problem or mishap that’s going on. Even in a sustainable society accidents would happen and natural catastrophes would occur, seasons would vary in intensity from year to year and so on. So what I present here is my best attempt at distilling out anthropogenic anomalies.
I define a “sign of collapse” as a negative market externality that the current socioeconomic system for whatever reason hasn’t dealt with and is now ending up hurting people or the ecosystem. I try to pick studies and news that shows the occurring consequences of the current system’s failure to deal with externalities.
I’m also trying to make the argument, and feel free to disagree with me and have a discussion, that “the collapse” that some people are waiting for that will apparently “wake up” people is occurring right now, and if you want to do something, you better hurry before it’s too late.
Feel free to share any of the material or repost this on other suitable subreddits. If you would like to get involved in this project, don’t hesitate to chat me up.
Previous posts:

Signs of Collapse 2020 Q2

Police riots in the US
Human well-being & non-specific climate change
Economy, Politics & Industry
Biodiversity
Pests, viruses and bacterial infections
Heat waves, forest fires and tree loss
Pollution
submitted by Dave37 to TZM [link] [comments]


2020.07.06 17:41 Dave37 Signs of Collapse 2020 Q2

Hi /Sustainability! I have been working on an ongoing project for over 4 years now nick-named “[Signs of collapse]”. Even if we strive for and dream of a sustainable world, a lot of things are becoming worse. And I think in order to reach a world that is truly sustainable, it's imperative that we fully understand where we are now and which path we are on. To progress, we have to identify the problems and accept them for what they are if we wish to have any chance addressing them.
I try my best to not make this series into a rant about every little problem or mishap that’s going on. Even in a sustainable society accidents would happen and natural catastrophes would occur, seasons would vary in intensity from year to year and so on. So what I present here is my best attempt at distilling out anthropogenic anomalies.
I define a “sign of collapse” as a negative market externality that the current socioeconomic system for whatever reason hasn’t dealt with and is now ending up hurting people or the ecosystem. I try to pick studies and news that shows the occurring consequences of the current system’s failure to deal with externalities.
I’m also trying to make the argument, and feel free to disagree with me and have a discussion, that urgent action is needed now and there's close to no upper limit to how radically environmentalist one can reasonably become at the present time. If you want to do something, you better hurry before it’s too late.
Feel free to share any of the material or repost this on other suitable subreddits. If you would like to get involved in this project, don’t hesitate to chat me up.
Previous posts:

Signs of Collapse 2020 Q2

Police riots in the US
Human well-being & non-specific climate change
Economy, Politics & Industry
Biodiversity
Pests, viruses and bacterial infections
Heat waves, forest fires and tree loss
Pollution
submitted by Dave37 to sustainability [link] [comments]


2020.07.06 16:31 PeacefulLoveBeing My personal views on (1) early transition and how I feel versus appear, (2) marital disharmony and disagreement with respect to public appearance and coming out to children of the marriage, and (3) whether I wish I got married to my partner at all

So for context, my wife, son and I went to Nordstroms yesterday since I really needed to buy makeup. I have had foundation in the past, and borrowed with (and yes, in the past without--not right but true) my wife's consent lipstick, eyshadow and mascara, but had no proper makeup set or training. It was a beautiful thing, and not at all scary, but this is after years of therapy, and after wearing nail polish in public, and undergarments in the past (painting the toes is always the most stealth assuming you cover up your feet, and I did that a year ago with underwear--a few times at work, before I began working at home also around a year ago. And so it went quite well and was lovely, my son however was not strictly informed what I was doing--not by my choice or concern, but in respect of my wife's wishes. Our experiences during and after caused me to reflect on the post concepts outlined in the title...
Early transition and how I feel versus appear
At Nordi's, before I bought my make up I walked around with my son wearing the polish, but appeared otherwise male (my hair is long, but I would say with black nail polish I just look "alt" not necessarily MTF), and felt that I had a sort of "armor" on in that people would just assume I was "different" or "weird", and that was ok since I did not want anyone saying anything nasty in front of my son.
When I went to get sunglasses the male clerk kept pushing me towards male sunglasses even though I kept trying on female sunglasses (I want them for my drive(s) up to West Hollywood--honestly just to walk around as myself and build up confidence and deconstruct my feapanic response, which in tandem kept me in a dark dungeon-like closet for 30 years, and have prevented me from exiting the upper floors of the same closet where I can see the light but cannot get there in a sense (mostly since my wife is resisting and has been for years), but I digress).
The stylist, however, I tell right away that "I am a transitioner", he later tells me he is gay and that growing up in the 90's it was still hard int he city, and we swap closet stories and info, but it still takes a bit more prodding for him to initially understand that I am trans and am placing my makeup and skin-care needs (apparently you need a regimen for that first, yes I know nothing).
My voice is manly. I look manly. I am in many ways what many men want to be, a financially successful attorney in orange county, why would I do this to myself if it was not an innate need? But still, I do not feel female, and still do not know if I ever will or can--I have been battered my whole life with explicit and subtle transphobia and thus hate(d) myself most of my life and lived in shame. Now I see a light, but it is still way up on the ceiling and I need to make a rope ladder or something--luckily HRT might provide the rope, but I still nonetheless need to design the ladder--or in other words figure out how to create my feminine self out of my male self.
For instance, as discussed, make up skills? Uber-beginner (my wife also is not a make up person, more of a tom boy, so not a ton of help there, but still she wants to help me today and I appreciate that :) Clothes? Getting better, but I am nearly 6 ft tall and my feet are big, I also have to deal with the "you know" which in my case is harder rather than easier we will just say. Hair? Well I am growing it out, Covid provides a great work excuse, but it takes time--wigs are an option but I do not like to worry about it falling off (I know there are clips, but I have none and no experience--yes I need to go to a wig store, but the priority has been marriage restructuring and I have not got to it yet, but I will). Mannerisms? I walk like a mack truck, swaying feels awkward and unnatural, I need practice--but when? I know it will come, but for now it is not there. Voice? I have a low strong voice, and I sing so I do not know if I want to alter it a ton, but it does not say "female" really at all.
I can keep going, but the bottom line is my appearance is far more male than female, and even though I know my gender "crosses the line into the female" that my appearance is still very much not in line with that. So do I use female pronouns? Not really--if its an ally or a therapist, sure, but my wife? If she does it on her own, ok, but I do not push it--in part, because I still feel "ridiculous"--I know I look like a guy; which is part of the reason I feel unstable. My mind is pushing me towards crossing the gender line, but society is pulling me the other way.
This might explain the kind of ebb and flow at least for me between male and female, especially during early transition: Society (including my wife) pulls me towards male, and my mind pulls me towards female (as I feel more stable, content and my libido reduces to a "comfortable" level, allowing me to pursue actual interests such as losing weight and writing stuff like this...).
So we feel female, but are pushed towards male and that may be why it seems confusing; there is an internal tug-of-war inside my head, literally, between the judgement of others and our true selves.
Marital Disharmony, coming out to children, and presenting in public
The day yesterday, getting make up and some fem sunglasses, all seemed great. My wife worked hard to watch my son, I watched our son while she got some (a lot less, but she is not super into it so that makes sense for her) makeup, and I felt great.
We drive home and my wife keeps prodding me about what I got, but insisting that we somehow hide the obvious fact from our son that I also got makeup; I keep telling her that if she wants me to shut-up about it that she should stop asking, since I find the whole code thing childish, and eventually she stops.
We have dinner and we are talking while our son is elsewhere and she drops it on me "[she comes in close and lowers her head and voice like she is expressing a deep, dark secret] well, you know, you cannot wear any of that stuff in front our son" to which I reply, getting a bit agitated and upset "do you understand that what you are saying is hurtful?" She tries to continue, but out of respect for her wish not discuss anything with our son in earshot and because I am simply too upset to be nice, I walk upstairs.
She goes upstairs, and softly beckons me. I ignore her initially, I am just too mad--and for context at why, when I came out to her a year ago her condition was that I NEVER EVER tell our son or any future children, or show them my femme self at all, so yes it is a big step to go get makeup and wear polish in the house, but this was the battle line she set: NEVER, and now she fired a salvo in my eyes again.
So I told her again my three alternatives, in an assertive/angry voice, but this is the only way she ever cares about any position I have about anything at all in the marriage, I do not like it, but its how our communication is patterned; I said "logically the only way for me forward is to get divorced and force the issue, push you into agreement as I have to do with everything or frankly die" I know that is dramatic, but I do have ideation going on with this and I do not want it. And I then say "At least we need to discuss this in therapy, as I need to tell our son something, he knows something is up but is confused and I am waiting for you to agree on what we are going to say since you have not agreed I can tell him", and she says "Well that's what I meant, we need at least 2 therapy sessions and we will do it".
So we have one next Thursday, but I honestly have no idea how she meant that we would figure out in therapy how to tell our son when she said I could not present feminine in front of him, but I accept it and move on; still this is a common theme in our marriage. Everything is a tension pull, and I am always pushing her along and she is always resisting. It is not pleasant, and I have no choice but to be dominant if I do not want to be pushed aside, but anyway, it is what it is until we change it I guess and my last hope is therapy....
Also, my wife is allowing me to go out in public now, but it is a huge process--I have to drive over to West Hollywood an hour away, I have to dress and "escape" surreptitiously without being seen by my son, and also ideally away from neighbors gazing eyes as well, not that any of them seem to care about us anyway--save the family whose son is in our potential same boy scouts troop; and then I have to sneak back in as well.
So in context, you might be able to appreciate, I need to socially transition and my wife is a roadblock. And so, in a way, I am "sleeping with the enemy" as far as my transition, even if the enemy is believing they are my greatest supporter. It is at least quite awkward and makes forthright communication difficult, and makes my tug-of-war between male and female all the more confounding and unstable.
Why did I get married anyway?
I grew up steeped in self-hatred and ignorance about what I was. I am old enough to have lived during the 90's and aughts where "gay" was an insult, and transgender was not even a concept to me. Every once in a while someone would say something negative about transfolk, and I always felt like being transgender was worse than death and would mean I could never have a meaningful life, or a career, children or a partner of any kind (particularly since I have always preferred women, and I had experienced so much female rejection as a man, I just could not imagine the scale of rejection as a transwoman--now I know that it probably would have been actually a lot easier, I just did not know where to look).
So I overcompensated as I have heard, I graduated magna cum laude (very close to summa) and busted by brain to go to law school, that was very unnatural for me but I still managed to be in the top half with a 3.18 GPA (I had a brief partner--where you write up and make oral arguments first year--who wanted to be romantically involved, we never did anything but she saddled me with all the work and my second semester grades suffered, but whatever; ironically she probably would have been a better wife, she was very "alt" and in prodding her she wanted a husband who was feminine, go figure, she reminded me of my mom which told me to "run"--love my mom, but she was always yelling, doing off, etc. and I was an only child with no father around so it was quite scary).
I met my wife at an odd time, my grandfather was very sick and I was living with him and my grandmother in Coronado and had just passed the CA Bar exam, but had not expected to pass so I had no job prospects. I was lonely so I did my usual, messaged girls on OkCupid (etc.) and acted like I would want to be talked to (which almost never worked, i.e. I did not act like what they expect a "man" to be like, because I am not one...), and I found this beautiful girl with gorgeous legs and threw out a message. She responded. And we talked about normal things and she never dropped off. This was sooo rare; but still I learned, it was not likely there would be more than a first date. So I asked her to come to me (I recently had gone to meet someone, bought Jamba juices for them at work and after walking all around downtown San Diego where we were supposed to me meet figured I had been blown off and gave the second drink to a nice homeless man in a wheel chair; for context) .
She drove down from North San Diego, and I only left when she told me she had arrived--such were my expectations for being stood up. I also, even though we met at a fancy restaurant, did not take her to dinner (I also had learned this was probably pointless--I figured I would probably die alone anyway, drama yes, but true feelings too), we walked at night along the beach and she was just super spunky and bubbly (I learned later that this was how she acted when she drank an energy drink); we had a great time, and did it again, and again and became solid "boyfriend" and girlfriend, eventually eloping and starting our lives together, after my grandfather died (I oversaw his hospice and was there at his moment of death, handled the body, etc. so it was a little stressful perhaps; but I am pretty tough I would say :).
Before marriage I was able to tell her I had been molested and suffered from what I would call "bisexual dysphoria", since I had no tendencies towards men until being sexually assaulted by a peer, but I just could not bring myself to tell her about the crossdressing. Really what we should have done was slow down and get into therapy, but she was 21 and I 25, and it was us against the world; so we got married (we got engaged in San Francisco, married in Long Beach--both have LGTBQ influences, so it is subtly ironic...)
Before getting married we had broken up a few times (the worst during my grandfather's death since my wife was acting like a spoiled child, she was 21 after all, and I had no time for it), mostly driven by me pushing her away to see what she would do since I had this "secret" that I hoped could be "cured" (and a therapist did bolster this perception, kind of malpractice but its the reality), and as newly weds living in a series of low income apartments as I searched for a job--I became depressed. I had freed myself from my grandparents (I was the caregiver, and in leaving there was a big schism, I was harassed by attorneys accused of theft, etc.--later I was cleared and ended up running the show again after my influenza family decided to act stupid and try to sue my grandma, but whatever), but now was in a sort of holding pattern with my wife.
Honestly, I wanted to be free. Free to be me.
But I also was depressed and when she pushed and pushed to have a baby I relented. I acted dumb, and on our second try it was done.
That is not to say I do not love my son, and love my wife, but it should have been: Therapy, disclosure; wife decided marry yes/no; if Yes, then more therapy; Josh transitions during marriage and wife decides stay yes/no; then child(ren). And for future generations I hope this is what it is almost 100% of the time, it was both partners and the child(ren) deserve.
So now I am in a spot where my wife is afraid to allow me to be me, I hold virtually all the financial cards and she has no interest in making changes--in fact wants to resist change--and I have to drag her along or leave her behind.
Oddly enough, she is very unlikely to divorce me since she is unlikely to do most things independently (even calling a credit card company to ask about a bill is something we have worked on her doing by herself over a period of years), and so the choice to end or save my marriage is almost fully my responsibility (like most things in my lifetime) and I want to save it, but I am not worth anything to my family dead. Just being honest; I have not had any substantial attempt save one when a teen on prozac, very briefly it did not agree with me at all; but I have a life insurance policy and often feel that if I were to happen to die it would be for the best.
I say that to my wife, and she kind of weakly tells me this or that as far as concern, but as a man I am unbalanced--I do crazy sh*t; I flew to Austin, TX (for context, I was on a weight loss regimine MD prescribed called Human Chorianic Gonadatropin, a steroid, and it probably put me in ketosis, I was sooo ill) to invest in a tech company I was working for at the time (glad I didn't but I also regret being fleeced our of 15k by my "lawyer", yes I hire lawyers sometimes too:) and drove around the city all night looking for stuff to do, giving $100 bills to homeless people, giving people rides in the middle of the night (this guy I met, told me his name was Shannon, probably thought I picked him up for, well, you know; but I was trying to play a piano live and in an agitated mental state due to the HCG, and he told me about how some woman wanted to adopt him for "prurient reasons, and all this and told me to "stay safe"--I mean would not have taken much for him to knife me, but I had no fear of death at all anyway)--this is one of many similar stories from my times on the road, and there is a pull for me to do this stuff since I just do not care about pushing the envelope as a man--a feeling of, as a male nurse turned bartender at the OC Ritz Carlton told me during my HCG times after ordering a cranberry juice when I asked if I should sue the MD that gave me the drug, "Let God sort em out"--but with that phrase being applied to my mortality...
What do I do now
So now I try to save my marriage but recognize that my life is up to me. I am the only one who can care for me and love and accept myself--objectively, it is incredibly irresponsible for my wife to resist helping me transition and to address the underlying issues in therapy, but she is fearful and ignorant and cannot be brought up to speed quickly.
And so I guess I just take the risk that I finally push things too far as I work to even myself out.
Thanks for reading in any case, and sorry for the ramble; its hard to express all I want to given the inadequacy of the written word, time to write and my physical limitations...
In love and understanding,
Josie J. Esquire
submitted by PeacefulLoveBeing to u/PeacefulLoveBeing [link] [comments]


2020.07.03 23:02 bron1985 Hiking/Walking Spot For a First Date on Sunday

Hey San Diego. I am meeting a girl for a first date Sunday. Anyone have suggestions for a good spot to go on Sunday? Normally I could figure it out, but I don't know what's open, what's closed, where I can park, and what's available.
I live in Carlsbad, she lives in La Jolla. Thanks!
submitted by bron1985 to sandiego [link] [comments]


2020.07.01 19:26 zumodeuva San Diego Skaters!

Hi everyone!
Any skater girls in San Diego? I’m super new to skating and would like to make some skate friends who are newbies like me! I don’t want to hold back anyone who is advanced with my very limited skate-abilities lol. I’m also having a hard time finding local meet-up groups. So if you’re in central San Diego, let’s meet up!
submitted by zumodeuva to skatergirls [link] [comments]


2020.07.01 17:00 green_girl15 CATCH database, SAPR Program, restricted and unrestricted reporting options

Sorry in advance that this is such a long post, but I’ve been asked to make a post on this topic and I feel like there is a lot that needs to be covered.
I think that the Sexual Assault Prevention and Response program is one of the best programs that Navy has. Of course, this varies by command, and if your command is crappy, your experience with the program may be crappy as well. If that is the case and you need to report something whether it happened to you or someone else, you can absolutely report it to a different command. For example, I was active duty on a ship for 3 years, 1 of which I was one of the commands SAPR Victim Advocates (I still am a VA, only I’m in the reserves now so it’s different.). Part of what they stressed so much during my initial training is that people don’t have to talk to their own commands at all about this.
So let’s say that someone at my command was assaulted by someone else at my command. Let’s say it was a Chief, the CO, or maybe even one of the VAs who assaulted this person. Understandably, they might not feel safe talking to anyone at that command out of fear of backlash or maybe being assaulted again. In that case, they could walk into any of the quarterdecks of any of the ships—or even to one of the shore commands or to Fleet & Family—on base and ask to talk to a SAPR VA. (If you can’t think of a way to explain it to the OOD so as not to raise suspicion, just say you’re one of your command’s VAs and you need some ideas for a training or something.) Or, since I was in San Diego where there are a ton of Navy bases, go to a completely different base and talk to someone there!
CMEO vs SAPR programs
What is the difference between sexual assault (which is covered under the SAPR program) and sexual harassment (which is under the Command Managed Equal Opportunity program)? Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual contact that is physical. Constantly being asked out by the same guy/girl who won’t leave you alone? Harassment. Slapped on the butt in the P-way? Assault. Unwanted comments on what your butt looks like in yoga pants? Harassment. Shoulder massages from someone and it’s making you uncomfortable? Assault. Repeated comments on how you would get farther in your career if you would offer sexual favors to leadership? Harassment. Being forced to perform those favors for lighter punishments, better evals, awards, blackmail, whatever? Harassment that has turned into assault. Not that it needs to be explained, but also rape is clearly sexual assault. (BTW, you can ABSOLUTELY have a CMEO and a SAPR case open against the same person for the same offense because it’s not uncommon for sexual harassment to bleed into sexual assault territory.)
Restricted report:
•Who you can talk to without losing the restricted option—medical, Chaps, Victims Legal Council, a VA, Fleet & Family, SAPR POIC (although they cannot take your report, they will direct you to a VA; they were recently added to the restricted options list because so many people thought they were allowed to take restricted reports, but by talking to the POIC they lost the restricted option), and as many friends as you want (although keep in mind that you cannot control who your friend/s talk to, and they might tell someone who would force you to have an unrestricted report, such as the police or chain of command, because your friend/s are simply trying to help you in what they think is the best way they can).
•Services you can receive IF you choose to accept them—assistance from a SAPR VA, medical exam, morning after pill if needed, STD test if needed, rape kit if applicable, assistance from VLC, and counseling. If you have a rape kit run, you can let it sit without ever being processed and then if you decide that you want to prosecute, you have the option to do so. If the police show up at the hospital to talk to you, you do NOT have to talk to them if you don’t want to. They can still investigate, but you are not required to interact with them in any way.
•What is VLC and why would you talk to them—VLC is a legal team that you would have access to for any legal issues that you might run into in regards to your case. Maybe you were drinking underage at a party, and that’s where you were assaulted. Maybe you drove home drunk because that was the only way you could get away from your attacker. Maybe there is no aspect at all in which you could get in trouble, but you just have some legal questions. VLC can help you navigate through any of that.
•Who will find out—your triad will be told that a restricted report was filed by someone at the command, but they won’t be told any identifying details. They won’t be told the gender, ethnicity, rank/rate, age, hair color, or anything else about the person who reported the incident. Whoever you choose as your VA will inform the POIC and the base SARC. That is it. No one else will know unless you want them to.
Unrestricted report:
•Who can you report to—medical, anyone in your chain of command, NCIS, civilian police, an MA, Chaps, a VA, CMEO, Fleet & Family, VLC, OOD, Duty Section Leader, basically anyone you feel comfortable with.
•Services you can receive IF you choose to accept them—Everything that you would be offered from a restricted report, plus more. You can receive a Military Protective Order against your attacker, which is the military version of a restraining order. It can be enforced on any military installation (and maybe on any government property, although I’m not sure about that), but it will do you no good out in town, such as at Walmart or a bar. You can also get an expedited transfer. For example, if you were assaulted on your ship and walking around there everyday is harming your mental health, or if your attacker is someone that you see routinely, or if people start gossiping about you—or even feel like they are—those are all valid reasons to be transferred. You can have your attacker prosecuted through NJP or court martial depending on what applies, and if the incident occurred in town, you can also pursue a case on the civilian side.
•Who will find out—your triad will be informed that a case was filed and who the parties are that are involved. You don’t have to loop in your immediate chain of command, although that might make it easier to go to appointments. Your VA, SAPR POIC, and SARC will all know. Your SARC, triad, and the investigating officers (if you choose to have an investigation) will have a monthly meeting to discuss the progress that is being made on the investigation, your treatment, your attackers command level punishment, etc..
You can originally have a restricted report and then change it to unrestricted later if you want to, or obviously keep it restricted forever. But once your report becomes unrestricted—whether that was a choice that you made or a choice that you lost because of who found out (CoC, an MA, etc.)—you can’t go back to an unrestricted report because you can’t erase that knowledge from people’s brains. There also is not a time limit. You were assaulted 20 years ago and the person is dead but you just want counseling or to raise awareness? You can still make a report. Also, talking to someone on the list of people who are allowed to take restricted reports does not mean that you have to file a report. If you decide to talk to a mandated reporter such as your LPO or someone because you trust them, they are supposed to pass that on and it would become an unrestricted report. “My best friend is also my LPO, can I tell them and keep my restricted option?” You can talk to them and clarify that you are talking to them as a friend rather than an LPO, but they are not obligated to confidentiality.” “I’m at a command of only MAs. Even my VAs are MAs.” In that case, you would absolutely be able to talk to a VA even if they’re a mandated reporter because VA trumps anything else.
And finally, the CATCH database:
This is a program where you can enter in anything that you remember about the assault and/or the attackes. How s/he/they did it, any tattoos, scars, ethnicity, accent, height, weight, hair color. This information can all be used to help build a stronger case in the event that you are not the only person that has been targeted by this individual. You can have this information put in regardless of whether you have an unrestricted or restricted report. You can also choose to be notified or not if someone else inputs data that matches your attacker.
Lastly, I just want to link a post that I made about my own sexual harassment case and tell you that none of this was your fault and that you are not alone.
My story
CATCH program link
Edit: I’m adding more to this as I get the chance throughout the day.
Edit 2: I’m curious about the downvotes I’m receiving on this. Is there something that y’all think that I should change or add?
submitted by green_girl15 to navy [link] [comments]


2020.06.27 10:46 thatforensicgirl The Horrific Abuse & Murder Of Child Actress Judith Barsi, Who Is Best Remembered As Ducky In "The Land Before Time"

The Horrific Abuse & Murder Of Child Actress Judith Barsi, Who Is Best Remembered As Ducky In

Judith poses for a TV Guide promo for an ABC Afterschool Special in 1988.
Judith Eva Barsi was an American child actress whose career was prevalent in the 1980s. She appeared in numerous commercials, TV shows, and movies. Judith is known for notable roles such as Thea Brody in Jaws: The Revenge, young Carol Seaver in Growing Pains, Ducky in The Land Before Time, and Anne-Marie in All Dogs Go To Heaven (she provided her voice for the latter two). Despite an overwhelming and successful career by the time she was 10-years-old, Judith's private life was not a happy one, and it was cut short by her own father, József.

Early life and family

Judith was born in Los Angeles, California on June 6, 1978, to parents József Barsi and Maria Virovacz. Both of them had escaped their home country of Hungary after the 1956 revolution, though they did not encounter each other until several years later. Eerily enough, they both had neglectful and abusive childhoods.
József's first marriage was to a woman named Klara; they had met on a train while immigrating to France. They were quickly married and had two children, Barna (b. 1957) and Ági (b. 1958). The family moved to New York in the early 1960s, where József began to drink and abuse his family physically, emotionally, and verbally. In 1968, Klara and the children fled to Arizona but József followed them in an attempt to reconcile. Their relationship began to improve and Klara was delighted to see that her husband had stopped drinking. He found work as a plumber, earning the nickname "Arizona Joe." The happiness was short-lived. No more than a year later, József threw a cast-iron skillet at Klara. She filed for divorce, leaving her husband for good. When Ági was 15-years-old she vowed never to speak to her father again and encouraged her older brother to do the same.
József Barsi, pictured here in an undated 1960s photo with his first family.
Not much is known about Maria's journey from Hungary to the United States. Like József, she also had a previous marriage. Their paths crossed in 1976. Both were living in California; József was working odd contracting jobs while Maria was a waitress at a local café that was popular for immigrants. József would apparently flash $100 bills and pay for all his buddies' drinks. This got Maria's attention and the pair began to see each other regularly. They were married in August 1977 and Maria became pregnant soon after. It was her first child and József's third. At the time of Judith's birth, her parents were 38 and 45 respectively.
2-year-old Judith with her parents, Maria and József.
Maria quit her job to become a stay-at-home mother while József struggled with employment. The family lived in a small apartment on welfare. Maria told her brother, Joseph Weldon, that she saw a future for Judith as an actress in Hollywood. Like other people, he told her that she was wasting her time. "You don't know the odds," Weldon said. "The odds are 10,000 to 1." But Maria was sure of it. In 1983, she and Judith, now 5, were at an ice-skating rink. Coincidentally, a film crew was there preparing to shoot a commercial. A casting agent noticed Judith skating and, mistaking her for a 3-year-old due to her size, approached Maria with an acting opportunity. That same year, Judith did her very first commercial for Donald Duck Orange Juice. She was signed on to Harry Gold & Associates Talent Agency after just one meeting.

A promising career; the abuse begins

Judith Barsi's rise to fame grew through her appearances in various commercials. She worked with famous brands like Campbell's Tomato Soup, Jif Peanut Butter, and McDonald's. Her breakthrough came in 1984, playing Kimberly McDonald in the television miniseries Fatal Vision. Based on a true story, the plot revolved around a man killing his pregnant wife and two children. This role would foreshadow Judith's own fate.
After Fatal Vision, dozens of opportunities poured in for the young actress. She appeared in small roles on shows like Remington Steele, Knots Landing, and The Fall Guy. She even co-starred with Oscar-nominee Melinda Dillon on an episode of The Twilight Zone.
As his daughter became more successful, József Barsi felt pressured to pull his own weight around. Still unable to find a secure job, he turned to alcohol again. In just one year, he was arrested on three different occasions for DUI. He instigated arguments with Maria, turning violent within the blink of an eye. When he wasn't verbally abusing his wife, he was striking her across the face or attempting to choke her. It's fair to say that Judith probably witnessed most of this, but she always maintained her composure on set and her behavior gave no indication that something was going on at home.
Like most abused children, Judith kept quiet about her home life. She and mother Maria were usually always seen together.
By 1986, she was making an estimated $100,000 a year from commercials and television reruns. Thanks to this, the family was able to purchase a three-bedroom house in Canoga Park, a neighborhood located in the San Fernando Valley. The first thing "Arizona Joe" did was have a spiked fence placed around the property.
Despite a turnaround in their lifestyle, József still wasn't pleased. An unnamed neighbor later speculated that "good ole 'Arizona Joe' was jealous [of his own kid]." It was a plausible theory; Judith was making more money than both of her parents, and she hadn't escaped another country due to an uprising--perhaps József saw her as "ungrateful" and deemed that she had it easy compared to him. Another neighbor recalls an incident where Judith was playing in the yard and Maria came home with a toy kite. Before Judith could play with it, József snatched it out of her hands. "You're going to break it!" Judith cried. Her father scoffed and looked at Maria. "You see that? She's a spoiled brat who doesn't want to share!" He then proceeded to smash the kite into tiny pieces.
That same year, Judith was approached by Don Bluth for a role in what would later be known as The Land Before Time. After auditioning, she was asked if she'd like to play Ducky. "Yep! Yep! Yep!" Judith chimed. Bluth would later incorporate this into her character, which became a fan-favorite quote. Judith also had guest-starring roles in Punky Brewster and Cheers. Her career was taking off at a faster pace and Maria was able to befriend and bond with other stage moms. Meanwhile, things weren't faring any better at home. József had extended the cruelty of his abuse solely towards Judith. During a house party one evening, he followed her into the kitchen and yanked her ponytail, causing Judith to hit the floor; he didn't like all of the attention she was receiving from guests. As an apology, he went out shopping the next day and bought her a pink television set for her room.
Another haunting role was Judith's portrayal of an abused child on an episode of Cagney & Lacey. Still, she did not inform any adults of the real-life abuse she was experiencing. When her daughter wasn't at school or an acting gig, Maria took every opportunity she could to get Judith out of the house. They would go to restaurants or visit family friends. Judith spoke fluent Hungarian and would communicate in the language with her mother when they went to public places, so nobody could figure out what they were saying.
Judith smiles with her birthday cake.
On June 10, 1986, Judith celebrated her 8th birthday at a bowling alley with friends from her elementary school. József was absent and Maria allegedly told another parent, in passing, that her husband was "stuck at home, getting drunk." He often showed her where he kept a can of gasoline and threatened to burn down the house if she or Judith tried to leave.
The abuse was getting worse. Judith told her friend Trixie that her father had thrown pots and pans at her in a drunken rage, resulting in a bloody nose. A few days before Christmas, Maria Barsi filed a police report, stating that József had attempted to strangle her after threatening her life. Reportedly, the officers saw "no absolute signs of physical abuse" and Maria reluctantly decided not to press charges.
As 1987 approached, Judith landed her first theatrical role in Jaws: The Revenge. The part required her and Maria to fly out to the Bahamas. József found out about this and came into Judith's room one evening while she was packing her suitcase. He took a kitchen knife and held it against the 8-year-old girl's neck. "If you and your mother don't come back after the shooting, I'm gonna cut your throat," he growled. When they arrived at the island to start filming, Maria told anyone who would listen about her fears for Judith's safety. "She was just constantly crying out," studio teacher Linda Stone-Elster recalled. "Almost to the point where nobody took her seriously. It was like, 'Oh, here goes Maria again.' Just worried about going home to this crazy person."
Although the film was panned by critics, Judith's role as Thea Brody is remembered fondly. She even wore her own swimsuits for the beach scenes.
When filming wrapped up, Maria and Judith purchased plane tickets to New York to visit Maria's brother. Judith and her cousin were playing when the phone rang. It was József. After handing the phone to Judith, her father told her, "Remember what I said before you left." Judith dropped the phone and began to cry, running into another room. Maria took control of the situation and started to berate her husband. "I had never seen such a thing like that before," Joseph Weldon later remarked.
Unfortunately, the trip to New York was cut short and Maria returned to California with Judith in tow. Neighbors and friends urged her to leave József. One woman even offered her home as a temporary safe haven. Maria told different people different things. She would say that she was in the process of filing for a divorce, but, to others, she expressed reluctance to leave. "He'll find us," she told one of the neighbors. "Even if he doesn't, he'll burn down the house."
József Istvan \"Arizona Joe\" Barsi
József did many things to sabotage Maria's attempts to leave with Judith. He "accidentally" misplaced their passports and even went as far as hiding a telegram that informed Maria of a relative's death in Hungary.
In December 1987, while speaking on the phone to her niece, Eve Reitz, Maria mentioned that she suspected that József was having an affair, presumably showering another woman with expensive gifts. Reitz says that Maria didn't sound bothered; it was just another reason for her to look into a divorce lawyer. In fact, she told her niece that József cheating on her was probably "the best thing that has ever happened to [me]."

The haunting final months

9-year-old Judith was also starting to show severe signs of stress. She was gaining weight and had pulled out her eyelashes, as well as one of her cat's whiskers. There was also pressure for her to grow taller so she could prepare for older roles. Reportedly, there was an issue with her pituitary gland; puberty was delayed and Judith was "stuck" at the height of 3'8". Trips out of the house were no longer fun or entertaining. Instead, Maria was taking her to receive hormone injections at UCLA.
In spite of things, Judith got to play the young version of Carol Seaver on Growing Pains. It was a dream come true because she was a huge fan of the show. While on set, she spent time with cast member Tracey Gold, who viewed Judith as a little sister. Gold herself learned of the abuse through Maria and offered them help. Maria declined.
Judith poses with her castmates on set.
A few months later, Maria Barsi began renting an apartment in Panorama City as a daytime haven for her and her daughter. Judith's career continued without issues and she landed the role of Anne-Marie in another Don Bluth production called All Dogs Go To Heaven. But when it came time for her to sing "Soon You'll Come Home," the small child broke down into tears, telling her agent, Ruth Hansen, about everything that was happening at home. Disturbed by this incident and fearing for the child's well-being, Hansen ordered Maria to go to a child psychiatrist in Encino. After one session, the doctor reported Judith to the authorities as an abused child and the Los Angeles Department of Child Protective Services got involved. Maria was questioned extensively, but it's unclear as to whether or not József Barsi himself was ever investigated.
On May 18, 1988, Judith was able to watch herself on television one last time. She played a dying patient, whose parents are going through a divorce, in the final season of St. Elsewhere.
As June rolled around, József reached out to his son Barna, who told Ági that their father was eager to see them and make amends. He invited the two down to Los Angeles, saying that he was remarried and mentioning that they had a half-sister named Judith. Barna, now 30-years-old, accepted the invitation but Ági was hesitant. She still didn't forgive her father, but she was curious about little Judith and wanted to meet her, as well as Maria. The older Barsi children arrived just in time to celebrate Judith's 10th birthday. While Barna spent every moment with his father and Maria, Ági got to know Judith. The little girl was delighted; she had never met her big sister before.
Judith plays with one of her cats while spending time with her older half-sister, Ági.
After a few days, Ági, like Barna, was ready to forgive their father for his past actions, but something about Judith's behavior made her hesitate. "That's when I looked at her, and I knew right then and there that something was going on," Ági Barsi recalls in her memoir. "I saw myself. We were the same person." Sickened by the realization that her younger sibling was also experiencing abuse, Ági pulled Maria aside and demanded to know what was going on. Maria admitted that József had a temper and that he sometimes got physical, but he wasn't drinking anymore. "I told her, 'Just take Judy and be safe.' But she had another plan," Ági said. "She let the house get so messy. I mean, it was disgusting. When I saw all the trash I said, 'Let's clean it up.' She was like, 'No, it's going to drive [József] out of the house if we don't clean it up.' So it was a pig's pen, a living pig's pen." Maria held on to the idea that she and Judith had worked too hard for the house and their prized possessions--if anyone was going to leave, regardless of a divorce, it was going to be József Barsi.
Maria allowed the house to become a filthy mess, thinking that József would flee given his obsessive cleanliness.
Barna and Ági were about to return home to Arizona when Judith approached them as they headed out the door. While Barna was loading things into the car, Judith told her sister, "Ági, take me with you. I'm scared that father is going to do something bad." Heartbroken and knowing the little girl's distress, Ági Barsi bent down and assured little Judy that things were going to be okay. "I told her that he had hurt [Barna and me] as children, but everything was alright in the end. It was only a temporary situation. I told her that she had to be strong, and I'll never forget the look in her eyes as we left."
At some point in early July, József followed Maria to the apartment in Panorama City. She was carrying boxes and when confronted, she told him that she was just helping a friend move in. Shortly thereafter, Maria told a friend that she was planning on cashing Judith's $12,000 tax refund check before her husband could get his hands on it. She was most likely (finally) getting ready to leave him and take Judith away once and for all; she had to make sure he would get little or none of their child's earnings until the divorce papers arrived.
Maria also notified CPS that she was divorcing József and that she'd be moving into the apartment with Judith. Believe it or not, the social worker took her word for it, and didn't even bother to visit the home. They closed Judith's case file the same day.

The double murder-suicide

On the morning of Monday, July 25, 1988, Judith Barsi was seen riding her bike around the neighborhood. That afternoon, she had an appointment with Hanna-Barbera Studios about a voiceover role in an upcoming animated series. For reasons unknown, Judith did not show up and Maria never called in to say why. It's speculated that a fight between József and Maria broke out and Judith was too upset to go. Another (less popular) theory is that József was holding them hostage or preventing them from leaving. No one ever saw the Barsi family alive and outside of their house after that day.
Here's where the case gets tricky because we'll never know for sure how the night played out. What we do know is that Judith put on her nightgown and went to bed. Maria did the same. József probably kept himself awake for several hours, contemplating on what to do next. The investigators believe he knew about Maria's plans to divorce him, and he'd most likely never see her or Judith again. Maybe she threatened him with a restraining order. Regardless of whether or not Maria fought back, József felt powerless or angry about something she had done or said. Something had to have been the last straw. Ági Barsi has her own theory. She believes that her father had "just finally snapped," citing his tormented, father-less Hungarian childhood as a reason for his mental demons.
Shortly around (or after) midnight, József retrieved his .32 caliber pistol and walked into his daughter's bedroom. She died instantly from a single shot to the head, above her right ear. Disturbingly enough, Judith was most likely awake when she was killed.
Hearing the shot, Maria ran out of her own bedroom and down the hall to confront her husband. She probably tried to fight for the gun (different sources cite that she had defensive wounds but this is unconfirmed). But Maria was overpowered, forced onto her knees, and shot in the head as well. Investigators agree that Judith was killed first because if József had gone after Maria before her, then the young child would've tried to hide or flee, thus her body would've been elsewhere in the house, other than her bed.
The Barsi residence where the double murder-suicide took place.
Ruth Hansen was informed that Judith had missed her appointment and called the Barsi residence around noon on July 26. She was surprised that József picked up the phone instead of Maria. She questioned him, to which the man replied with: "They went to San Diego. A black car took them away. I'm just here to get my things and say goodbye to my little girl." Confused, Hansen allegedly tried to call the residence again a few hours later, but her call was ignored.
At 8:30 a.m. on July 27, neighbor Eunice Daly went outside to water her garden. An explosion alerted her to the Barsi's home, where she saw smoke billowing out of the roof. Firefighters, paramedics, and police swarmed the neighborhood. After the flames were put out, three bodies remained inside the residence. Maria, aged 48, was found at the end of the hallway; Judith, aged 10, was in her canopy bed. It was noted that the cap to a can of gasoline was found just a few feet away from her body. Both mother and daughter had been burned beyond recognition. Going into the garage, firefighters discovered the body of József Barsi, aged 55, with a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.
An investigator removes Judith's body from the home.
The medical examiner concluded that all three Barsi family members were deceased before the fire could really spread; none of their lungs showed signs of smoke inhalation. While there was confusion on which day Judith and Maria had been murdered (July 25 or 26), it was eventually confirmed that they had been dead for "more than 24 hours, but less than 48." Judith's death certificate lists her date of death as July 27, even though that was the day her body was discovered.

Aftermath and legacy

Fans donated money to make sure Judith and Maria received proper headstones.
Judith and Maria Barsi were buried next to each other and laid to rest in unmarked graves on August 8 in Forest Lawn Memorial Park. In 2004, fans organized a donation campaign and the two were finally given their headstones. Growing Pains star Tracey Gold read the eulogy at the little girl's funeral. Judith's Jaws co-star and on-screen father, Lance Guest, was one of her pallbearers.
Judith loved voicing Ducky in The Land Before Time (1988).
Three of Judith's projects were released posthumously. The Land Before Time premiered in November 1988, becoming a well-loved memory to kids all around the world. It is perhaps Judith's most famous role in her short, but prolific, career. Oddly enough, most people learn about Judith's tragic fate when they have an innocent curiosity such as "What's Ducky's voice actress doing nowadays?"
Judith Barsi as Billie Foster in A Family Again (1988). It was her only television role to be released posthumously.
Judith had a supporting role in the ABC Afterschool Special episode "A Family Again," starring alongside Ricki Lake, Rhea Perlman, and Tonya Crowe. Ironically, along with the title, the episode dealt with grief and healing. The ending credits read: This film is dedicated to the loving memory of Judith Barsi.
Judith's final voiceover role was Anne-Marie in All Dogs Go To Heaven (1989).
Judith's final role was in All Dogs Go To Heaven, which wasn't released until 1989. She had completed all of her lines, but another actress had to be brought in for Anne-Marie's singing voice due to Judith's heartbreaking reluctance to perform such a heavy song. The film's ending song, "Love Survives," was dedicated to her. Judith's final lines in the film also feel like a punch to the stomach when you learn her story.
She is remembered greatly by Don Bluth, who had planned to feature her in more of his projects. As a way of coping with her death, Bluth and the animators based Anne-Marie's mannerisms on that of Judith's.
The Los Angeles Department of Child Protective Services was heavily criticized when news of their failure to ensure Judith's safety leaked to the press. In September 1988, the Department acknowledged its mistake, stating that caseworkers should be given assistance (Judith's social worker in particular already had 67 cases at the time, which was 27 more than a "full caseload"). As far as we know, they never issued an apology to the Barsi's surviving relatives.
Judith's half-brother, Barna Barsi, died in 1995 after falling off of a bridge in Scottsdale, Arizona. He had previously been dealing with alcoholism and was homeless at the time. It is unknown if the death was accidental or a suicide. Barna was 37-years-old.
Judith's half-sister, Ági, was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1997. She wrote two books, got married, and became a stepmother. Despite only knowing Judith for a short time, she loved her dearly and wishes she had done more. Ági passed away in 2008, aged 50.
If you suspect child and/or domestic abuse, click here.
Sources: Death of a Family: Judith's Story, Los Angeles Times (archive), The San Fernando Valley Blog, Lighting Their Way Home, Wikipedia
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2020.06.25 20:33 throwaway-512656 I (22F) found out my ex (27m) was cheating on me so I left him and I had some regrets doing that but now he wants to go on a date on Sunday

Crossposting here but...
I’m going through a bit of an emotional rollercoaster but I’d like to summarize what led up to me finally breaking up with him. So we met each other through Tinder and hit things off, we were going to meet up but I kept cancelling because of work but that wasn’t true because I didn’t have a car and couldn’t drive at the time. So we were talking from August to October and I finally took a leap of faith and agreed to meeting him in person. He picked me up from my house, he didn’t really look like his photos physically but his face did so I’m like okay whatever. Things went really well, we kissed and from then we officially began dating. He would see me very sparingly throughout the upcoming weeks and I felt weird because he called me his gf. And I’d at least like to see him once or twice a week. I even asked if he was talking to other women at the time and he said no. I’m like okay. Things are going well and on our second date that night he said I think I’m falling for you and I just kind of smiled and laughed it off. Then I think November, I asked what was up and said that I would like to see him more often otherwise I’m going to leave him and he agreed so we saw each other more. I still felt a weird gut feeling about him but I ignored it. December comes, things are going well, I have a trip for a week to San Diego. I felt REALLY strange about leaving because there was something off about him. But I’m like okay whatever I’ll just trust he’s not going to do anything strange. Come back from my trip, things go well, we had some fights along the way about my suspicions about him and me asking if he is talking to someone else because I really feel something is off. He says no babe, of course not, we make up, and things go well.
Graduated in May of 2019, things from then till November go really well, again some fights about my suspicions in the relationship, we make up, and things are great! In November, I finally got my license and my first car and I was ecstatic! We go to his cousin’s wedding that weekend and he was super sweet and loving. That Sunday I felt extremely weird about him and I asked if I could look through his text messages, not really much of anything, or I overlooked it. I asked to see his FB messages and from the beginning of our relationship till April of that year, he was messaging a “friend” of his in the past and the messages were super flirty and friendly...but flirty. Also messages about me and his relationship and talking shit. I was shattered. I broke down and started yelling at him and he said “you can leave me for this, please understand” and I was broken. He explained to me it was a friend from his past and whatever. He explained he needed to get a ring from her so he could give it to me and I said no I don’t want it because you clearly had intentions of it being for her. I went on a tirade and said hurtful shit to her and told him to block her from everything. He said he needs that ring back so he told her his address and I’m like ok.
Then from then to February things were kind of rocky but eventually got better. In February was when I was just infuriated over what he did. He wanted to go to the bar with his mother that night and invited me and I refused because his mother did not like me. I wanted to break up with him that night and was packing up the Christmas tree I decorated at his house. He left with his mom to the bar that night and I was freaking out and did something completely stupid, he came to my house and asked my brother where I was, my brother called me, I came home, then my bf broke up with me. I was broken for a week. I kept calling and texting him and begging for him back and we eventually met in person and agreed to get back together.
Things from then on were a bit slow but we were doing well. In March, once everything shut down, he lost his job, and I kind of supported him financially during that time by buying him groceries, essentials, and takeout from time to time. Things were going kind of terribly because I was getting mad at him for again...suspicions I had. So that night in May, I search his ex on Instagram, then searched his name, found him, logged into his Instagram using his Facebook, and I found messages between them from the day after we broke up about him and her wanting to meet up. He said he wanted her over. Flirty messages. Joking about her sending nudes. Then I called him and asked I saw his Instagram (he told me he did NOT have one from the beginning of our relationship but this ig was very old) and he said oh shit. He said “you can leave me for this if you want.” And I said no, I want to talk about it. The messages were from the DAY after he broke up with me and he explained to me she came over and they just talked but they kissed, that was it. I suspected that it was something more than that though because I’m not stupid.
Anyway I messaged her via Instagram, told her to leave me and him alone, some awful shit, then she messaged back and said I was being horrible to him and how he has a kind and caring heart and whatever but I already know he has those things, and whatever. Then he told me she emailed him and I asked “ how does she know your email?” He said I don’t know. And I told him to block her and all messages from her. Then in her email she said “ummm I think we need to talk” I messaged her via Instagram and said she was pathetic or whatever and I regret doing that.
Then two weeks pass, we are doing...okay. Things are slowly getting better. Then I feel a really bad gut feeling that night on my way home from his house and go back to his house and ask to see his email trash and in the trash I found an email with her nude photos. He said oh shit babe I’m sorry I thought I deleted everything. He explained how he didn’t want to see them and I was done at that point. I felt like I could believe him and I agree to stay with him. That entire week was horrible and I felt so much pain and like I made the wrong decision by staying. Then next week on Monday, I was texting him all throughout the day about breaking up, he admitted to having her email because he and her used it to talk about her bf (her ex she lives with) behind his back and obviously behind my back as well, I finally broke up with him but I felt so much regret in doing that. That entire week and continuing into this week, I feel so much regret, like I lost my best friend, the love of my life, someone who promised that we’d move in together later this year and promised to marry me and have children with me. I think on Wednesday last week, I called him, asked how he was doing, he said he met up with his ex (the girl he was messaging throughout the course of our relationship), they had lunch, talked about her personal issues with living with her ex bf, then about why he did what he did, she suggested a similar thing I said—therapy. I mentioned to him we can work on our relationship if he sees a therapist about his problems. But he believed her side of the story more than mine I guess. He said they hugged, it was cordial, I asked if he had feelings for her, he said no. She’s changed as a person and has a lot on her plate at the moment. Went on about my day. Then Thursday I had a dream about him, told him I missed him, met him in person, we talked, he kissed me on the cheek goodbye. Then the next day I was feeling weird, called him on the phone, he suggested we date each other casually and retracted his statement, and said he needs space which is what I suggested when I broke up with him and how maybe in the future we could be together, maybe not.
That Sunday I agreed to go on a date with a guy from Hinge because we were hitting it off (I admit that was super messed up on my part for doing that). Things weren’t the same as in our texts and I was not feeling him, said our goodbyes, then on the car ride home I was bawling my eyes out because I miss my ex. Once I got home, went on Hinge and saw him there. I broke down and messaged him saying I love him, I miss him, he’s probably over me already because he’s on dating apps (hypocritical, I know), and whatever. Anyway he said “I want us to be better for each other. I love you” and I then later apologized because I was being desperate and I should just let him go. Later that night, I scrolled through Tinder, saw him, and broke down again, and like some kind of magic, he texted me and said: “I still fucking love you. I'm sorry I'm just trying to heal bb. Please just give me some time” I broke down.
Monday, I didn’t respond. Tuesday I asked what that meant and said never mind, anyway wish you well on your trip. (He is on a trip with his mother, he invited me prior to me breaking up with him). He said the trip was good. Yesterday I sent a text: “I feel like chasing after you has worn me down and at this point I think it is useless in even trying anymore. I still have so much love for you even after everything you've done but I'm tired of always being the one to reach out and get my heart broken each time. Time will only tell what will happen between us. Maybe something again. Maybe nothing at all.
I felt like I have gave up on you and should have tried harder to work through this with you. Maybe it could have worked but something in me is telling me that it never would have. I still care for you and have a lot of love for you as a person. Memories of us together flood my head and dreams and it makes me genuinely happy that we shared a connection like that. Hope you have a great life, (His name). I'll be rooting for you”
Basically this was me saying goodbye and letting him go because I have not gotten much sleep and haven’t been eating much of anything since I keep thinking about him and I want to move on.
Then he texts me: “you are so cute and I miss you. Just seems like you aren’t into the things I am. I couldn’t have brought you to a place like this, you would have been miserable” (in reference to his trip to a national park w his mom) and I said: “i do which is why this hurts so much. Can I talk to you in person?” He said yes we can go on a date, Sunday? I agreed. I asked how his trip was, no response. I called him later that night to possibly reschedule and now idk what to do.
Tldr; I fucked up in the relationship by feeling anxious and getting so angry at him and name calling from time to time and he fucked up by neglecting me and emotionally cheating on me and lying to me throughout our relationship. I still love him and part of me still want us to work out but I have a feeling that this date he wants to go on will only be him wanting to be friends which I said I didn’t want to be, to only contact me if he wanted to rekindle our relationship and I am afraid. I feel stupid for wanting him and I know I deserve better but I keep thinking about the good even after all he has done to me.
Idk if this is important to note but: In our last week of our relationship I sought out a therapist and suggested we work on things together but he refused because he said they’d tell me the same things and he was acting selfishly. His ex suggested it and idk he said maybe.
I’m still seeing a therapist and will continue doing so because I have my own issues I need to deal with.
submitted by throwaway-512656 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.06.25 06:14 smiles1721 Half a world away

Throw Away - So, back in 2019 I (27M) was on my buddy’s Stag Weekend when I met my dream of a stunning Aussie (30F). Initially it was a drunk acquaintance on the way to a club - this beautiful girl just popped up beside me on the walk to and we hit it off. She couldn’t get into the club with us because of the “promoter” that “hooked us up” (I was far less than pleased with this guy... I wanted to rip his head off, but for the sake of my buddy, I just went with it. Still some of the best money I spent because he had such a fun time). Not a regret in the world.
Since she couldn’t get in for a decent cover, she just went back to the hotel. I didn’t have a chance to get her contact or anything. I came to the conclusion that it was just an acquaintance that was ultimately a spec of dust in the wind that is life that would float on past without a second thought.
The next day, I saw her at the swim-up bar. Had I not gone up to her and mentioned I recognized her and asked, “Hey, what happened?! Why didn’t you come in the club last night?!” I may have totally missed out. I saw the opportunity and I knew I had to take it. I had to play up a bit just to strike up something. We made plans to meet up later that night along with her best friend/travel buddy. Fast-forward, we did dinner and drinks and it was a great time. Her friend ended up meeting someone else and venturing off, so it was a night wide open for she and I. We went out, had a ton of fun, came back to the hotel room and had more. We spent another day and a half together before parting ways.
The next weekend I found myself on the opposite side of the country for me, in San Diego, totally on a whim because we kept in touch and that was the last leg of her trip, and I absolutely couldn’t miss the opportunity to see her again. I had to, and for good reason. I fell in love with her in San Diego. It was the best 3-day trip I’ve ever taken in my life. She felt the same way about my visit.
It’s been a year and we’ve kept in very regular contact, whether via phone call, messenger, WhatsApp, or email, but she has a BF that she says cannot stand. I know I met her for a reason, and I know I absolutely fell in love with her. I just don’t know what to do. How do you love someone half a world away? Do I uproot my life and sacrifice my career that I’ve been building with a good company, and leave my family members behind if she can’t get a way here? It’s hard on me, but I don’t want to miss out on her. Can a soulmate be on the other side of the world? Is there a capability for her to migrate here easily despite what’s going on on America right now?
submitted by smiles1721 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.06.23 06:48 shewolfe18 Trying to get over past relationship trauma

Hey everyone. Using a throwaway account for this. I don’t know what to do here. My ex and I broke up a year ago today and I thought I was over it but I don’t know if I am. Maybe one year isn’t a lot of time for someone who was constantly on my mind everyday for 3 years, but I also feel like one year is plenty of time. However, this relationship really affected me and my mental health and honestly the ending was traumatic. I feel like I still have relationship ptsd due to it. I don’t want to compare myself to people with ptsd, but that’s honestly what it feels like, I don’t know how else to describe. Well...here is my story. I apologize, it gets really long.
To give some backstory, me and him met the summer of 2016 in the Middle East, he was in the U.S. Navy and deployed there, I had lived there for a bit due to my dads job being transferred there. However, that same summer I was moving back to Canada (where I’m from) to start my first year of university. We would text everyday and video chat often, we would flirt, he would say the sweetest things and even started calling me babe and hun. I felt like I could never get enough of him, he was so grown up and mature and mysterious and exciting. I was 17 at the time (turning 18 in a few months) and he was 22 (turning 23 soon). But he was always busy with work, as he would say. That fall he also went on leave to the U.S but for some reason couldn’t come visit me. During winter break that year, I went back to the Middle East to spend the holidays with my family and I met up with him at his place and it was amazing. We did this again when I visited during spring break. He goes on leave again but again, couldn’t visit me in Canada, for some made up reason. Fast forward to summer of 2017, he becomes distant and talks to me less and less and honestly I got pretty depressed, for reasons regarding him and other personal things in my life. Looking back I have to admit I let him control a lot of my happiness, which is sad. We had had plans to meet up again during the summer, but for him to come visit me in Canada. It’s 2 weeks from the date we had planned and he keeps saying things like “I’m trying, still working things out with the base and if I can take leave to Canada”. Anyways, he stops responding to me, I find out that he blocked me on Instagram and I have a panic attack. This man, who had been calling me babe and love and talking about cuddling me had just blocked me. Why?? I ask my friends sister to try and follow his account to see if he has anything on there. He accepts her request and I see pictures of him...currently in Brooklyn, NY, kissing a girl on the cheek. My heart drops. He responds to my message a few days later saying he can’t come to Canada and that he just so happened to run into an into an “old friend” (aka his ex/gf) in New York (his alleged pit stop that the navy had set up for him on his way home because he was on a funded leave- probably bullshit, still don’t know) and that she kissed him on the cheek and he regretted it. He said sorry and all that fun stuff. He mentioned how he has feelings for me but that he doesn’t see us working out since we probably won’t be in the same geographical location anytime soon andI have strict parents. Anyways, we stopped talking after this. The following semester wasn’t that fun and I just felt like it wasn’t over with him, I needed closure. So December 2017, I go back to the Middle East for winter break and during one of my last few days I message him asking to meet at a coffee shop for closure, nothing else. I felt like I needed it to move on. I needed to know why he had just ditched me and thrown me aside like trash after calling me babe one week prior and never mentioning his worries about our relationship. We meet up and he says he was a coward and apologizes a lot and says that a day didn’t go by that he didn’t regret doing what he did. I was stern but also just happy to be around him, he was so charming and charismatic, he was one of those people who got along with anyone. Everyone loved him. Me and him had had an instant connection, which I now realize was dangerous.
After this I go back to Canada for university and we start talking again, mostly him trying to get my attention all the time. I loved his constant attention towards me, for once it was him initiating everything and not me. I then find out he has orders for San Diego, he was leaving the Middle East and heading back to the U.S. He says that I should come to San Diego, he’d pay for my ticket and I (who clearly still wasn’t over him) said yes. So after my finals end, we meet up and everything is amazing. Honestly, it’s better than amazing, it’s perfect. We finally had so much time do whatever we wanted together and for once I am the sole focus. No video calls cut short by him getting busy, no parents getting in the way - just us. This dynamic continues during 2018 where we are officially together, boyfriend and girlfriend, video chatting while I’m in Canada studying and he’s working in the U.S. We text everyday and video chat as often as we can. However, his attention starts to dwindle, he’s still loving and caring, but not as much as when we first started talking again. The shiny new toy isn’t so shiny anymore. I fought for his attention a lot, which I now regret. I should have walked away so much sooner. I visit him again in the summer of 2018 and then again that November. Then early 2019 is when it starts to all go downhill. He says that his team is going out to sea for a week at a time. Going out to sea one week then stopping at a port for one day and going back out to sea the next day. He says he’ll only be able to talk through the ships email. I’m super supportive and email him telling him how much I miss him and asking him if he’s doing okay and to eat well and take care of himself. He responds after a week saying that the computer has been shitty. He was due to be back home in SD by March 15th, I excitedly await his arrival message. Expecting an “I missed you so much babe” or “Hey hun, I’m back”. I see him online on Facebook, so I know he’s back. I don’t say anything since I want to know what’s going on with him. I wait 2 days and he finally messages me saying “hey beautiful”. That’s it. Hey beautiful. No, I’m back safe or how have you been? Nothing. I ask him what’s going on and when he got back and he gives me very confusing answers. He has always been confusing, never giving straight answers - which I later realized was because everything he said was a complete lie. He says that being on the ship 24/7 messed with him mind and he was feeling off. He had a history of anxious/depressive episodes (or so he said). I sympathized with him and continued to support him, albeit the growing distance between us and his lack of replies and video chatting which was our only form of contact being long distance. Eventually I get fed up and demand to video chat, he begrudgingly agrees. We start to video call and he is visibly cold and distant, clearly wants nothing to do with me. I am so hurt, I had no idea what I had done wrong, all I wanted was a loving boyfriend, where did he go? The man who was once loving to me only 2-3 weeks prior was turning into a cold, mean stranger. In hindsight I realized what happened in 2017 was happening again here. But at the time, I was blind to it all. We continue like this from March to May, where I have to fight to get him to video chat and he goes days without talking to me. He gaslights me everyday and says that he’s not ignoring me he’s just busy or he’s anxious or he feels off. Or says things like he doesn’t want to talk to anybody. Yet I notice him online on Facebook messenger and WhatsApp everyday. He manipulates me by turning it back on me all the time, when I want to call because I miss my boyfriend and we barely talk anymore he says he doesn’t want to call me everyday. I respond by saying I never said we have to call everyday, at least once a week? This doesn’t even happen. I feel worthless. During this he also gets orders for Lemoore and is starting to move there. I try to plan a trip with him and he keeps making excuses about how he doesn’t know if he can take leave. Our anniversary is approaching and I mention it to him, reminding him what day it is since he had forgotten. The day comes and I foolishly send him a happy anniversary message and no word from him. I spend the day crying and then hanging out with a girl friend in the evening to feel a bit better. The next morning I get a message from him saying happy anniversary and apologizing for not responding, saying he was driving all day yesterday. I’m pretty sure you can call your girlfriend on your anniversary for one minute out of 24 hours. I ignore him and he sends another message saying good morning and then sends a screenshot of a booked flight ticket. I ignore him the entire day and then next morning he says good morning again, asking if I got the booking details. I say I received it all but ask him for one good reason to come after the way he has treated me for the past few months and on our anniversary. He says he doesn’t know what to say and that he’s sorry. He says that he knows we’ve been going through a rough patch for a while and we have barely talked but that he’s working on it. I try to believe him and after some more talking, agree to come visit. Fast forward to when I visit him again and everything is off. He’s the same but...different. I said I don’t want to do anything with him until we talk it all out. We sit on his bed and I ask him if he cheated on me, if he kissed someone else, if he went on a date with anyone else. He says no to everything. I had no choice other than believing him, I had no proof - just a feeling. During the visit he barely kisses me, saying he hasn’t been in a “loving mood” and I am so hurt. It fucking hurts hearing the love of your life say those words to you. Recoiling from a kiss with you. Yet, he would still have sex with me. The first time we had sex during that trip I asked to stop and started crying. I don’t know why, everything just felt off and weird. He rolled over and asked why I was crying, I said I didn’t know and he just said that he was really confused. I cried a lot during that visit and he would cheer me up or apologize and I would feel better in the moment. At one point he opened up a box of things to show me something and I notice an instax Polaroid camera. I state that I never knew had a Polaroid camera and he replies that it’s his 7 year old god sons. It sounded so fishy but for the sake of not fighting I didn’t question it. He says “let’s put this box high up” and puts it in the garage where I can’t reach it. After the trip I head home with foolish hopes of an improved relationship, but after a few days he goes back to to being cold and distant and ignoring me. Honestly, I don’t know why I stayed after all of that. But a part of me believes that I stayed long enough to find proof of what was truly going on. At this point I am anxious everyday and his behaviour is affecting my mental health and daily activities. I withdrew from my spring class because I couldn’t study and was going to fail. During the time I have the urge to look through his followers because I had a very strong feeling and I notice a girls name that I wasn’t familiar with. I don’t know how I knew but I just knew something was up with her. I request to follow her with a separate Instagram account and what I saw was something I could never prepare for. Her most recent post was a picture of her kissing my boyfriend at her mom’s wedding. It had been posted 2 days prior. My heart shattered into a million pieces. I couldn’t breathe. The world was spinning around me. In that moment I knew, everything made sense. Every excuse made sense. Every lie was clear. He had a new girlfriend....while I was technically still his girlfriend. What kind of sick, twisted person does that? You can’t have two girlfriends, you can’t fuck two people. We had been talking about breaking up that past week but I couldn’t seem to let go or go through with it, but with this information I was given the gift to be able to move in without looking back - no regrets. I text him saying that he’s right, we should go our own way and video chat one last time tonight to say our goodbyes. We get on video chat and he’s super nice (probably excited to finally end it with me so he can be free of me and enjoy his new girlfriend guilt-free). I question his behaviour and he lies to my face and this time I know it’s a lie because I now know the truth. I ask him what he did the past weekend and he says “oh went to the lake with some buddies”. It’s quiet for a bit and I say “you should really find that thong I left at your place, you know, in case _____ finds it”. He doesn’t move, doesn’t even flinch. He’s frozen. I continue saying that he thinks I’m stupid, he thinks I’m an idiot, that he can just manipulate me and that I wouldn’t find out anything. After I finish all he says is “I know this sounds bad but..I’m a people pleaser”. Are you fucking kidding me. No apology, nothing. He isn’t a people pleaser, all he does is please himself. Where was pleasing me happening during all of this? All I did was cry everyday. And I know, I should have taken control of my own life, relationship and emotions but I couldn’t let go. I couldn’t make myself let go, I knew that I would always look back or regret it. But finding out what he did allowed me to break it off with him with no regrets. I ask him again what he did the past weekend and he admits he was hanging out with her. I ask him whose Polaroid that truly was and he says it was hers. I then asked him he if the other girl knew about us and he said no. I told him I was going to tell her and he pleaded with me to not, he said that he would. I didn’t believe him and made him write her a message me and send it to her in front of me. Then I got emotional....I was hurt. Why did she get an apology and not me? I deserved an apology. He then fake cried and said that he was so sorry and that he would handwrite me an apology note and mail it to me. He said that he would buy a journal and write his thoughts in it everyday and that I could read them and hold him accountable - what the fuck? He was just trying to be the good guy and manipulate me into believing he was a good person. But I finally knew the real him. He never sent me that apology note, of course. I truly deserved one but I guess once a coward, always a coward. It’s funny, he sent me some of my things that I had left at his place during my visit and along with those things he sent back some polaroids I took of us. In what world would I want pictures of us back, why couldn’t he just throw them out? I truly wanted to end things on good terms with him, even an apology would have helped how he looked in my eyes. But no apology just proved to me the kind of person he truly was. Also, after that last video chat we never spoke again and removed each other on everything.
I never asked him how they met or when they did because I did not and still do not want to know. That moment broke my heart and it will never truly be the same. My trust in people isn’t the best, but I’m trying. Earlier this year I was scrolling through my messenger chats trying to find one with a friend and swiped past my chat with him. I saw that his profile picture was a selfie with her - they were still together. It hurt so much. I don’t know how she could be with someone who cheated on both of us. Their relationship was founded on cheating. I don’t know if he has changed, I believe that he needs therapy and to be alone for a while to truly learn how to treat and respect women. It also hurts to think that he if he did change...why couldn’t he change for me. Why couldn’t I ever be enough for him.
In the midst of me finding out about his new girlfriend. I found another one of his exes accounts, the one that he had been with in Brooklyn, NY, 2 years prior. I find out that all the times he had been on leave in 2016/2017 he had been with her. She was his girlfriend at the time, while he had been flirting with me, video chatting me and meeting up with me when I would visit the Middle East at the time. What a lying piece of shit. It all made sense. After we ended things I realized so much. He lied about so many things - even little things. Everything was a lie. He was such a narcissistic manipulative person. But most of all he was and IS a coward.
Another thing I reflected back on was when I cried during sex and he had the audacity to say he was confused....he KNEW he was having sex with someone else, he knew he wanted to be with her and knew that I felt something was off yet claimed to be “confused” by my crying. Acting like he didn’t know what was going on.
I have tried to move on and was in a good relationship this year from February to May, which ended amicably. However, I feel like I am back at square one. I don’t know if it’s because this time last year everything was happening and I found out that the person I thought I would spend the rest of my life with betrayed me in unimaginable ways. I don’t know. I don’t know if this post will help. I’ve been doing good in school and got an internship but part of me still feels worthless. I was so easily replaced by someone who said they loved me and wanted to marry me. I feel myself comparing myself to the other girl and I hate it. I know that I need to learn how to love myself better. But I also can’t get over the feeling that he doesn’t deserve this relationship with her, he doesn’t deserve to get her back after all he did to me and her... I feel like he will never truly learn his lesson until the same thing happens to him, until someone he truly loves betrays him the same way. Because he cheated on his ex with me, he cheated on me with her, and technically he cheated on that new girl with me when I came to visit. I don’t know how to stop hoping for their relationship to end. Because if they last then it proves that he changed for her and couldn’t for me. It proves that I wasn’t worth it to him. It hurts so much. I wish I could just get over him already. If they can move on why can’t I?
I apologize if this was all over the place, I started writing this because I felt super anxious and now here I am. I don’t know what I’m even looking for with this post but maybe getting it all off my chest will help. I just want to get past this trauma in my life because it still affects me a lot. I think I’m upset because today it’s been one whole year. One year farther away from him..from our memories. It’s weird because time is healing but also moving me farther and farther away from my last day with him. Which is so stupid but.. I guess I’m still grieving, I don’t know. It’s like I’m mourning the anniversary of a death. The death of our relationship.
To whoever reads all of this, thank you. It means a lot.
submitted by shewolfe18 to BreakUps [link] [comments]


2020.06.23 06:46 shewolfe18 Trying to get over past relationship trauma

Hey everyone. I don’t know what to do here. My ex and I broke up a year ago today, I thought I was over it but now I don’t know. Maybe one year isn’t a lot of time for someone who was constantly on my mind everyday for 3 years, but I also feel like one year is plenty of time. However, this relationship really affected me and my mental health and honestly the ending was traumatic. I feel like I still have relationship ptsd due to it. I don’t want to compare myself to people with ptsd, but that’s honestly what it feels like, I don’t know how else to describe. Well...here is my story. I apologize, it gets really long.
To give some backstory, me and him met the summer of 2016 in the Middle East, he was in the U.S. Navy and deployed there, I had lived there for a bit due to my dads job being transferred there. However, that same summer I was moving back to Canada (where I’m from) to start my first year of university. We would text everyday and video chat often, we would flirt, he would say the sweetest things and even started calling me babe and hun. I felt like I could never get enough of him, he was so grown up and mature and mysterious and exciting. I was 17 at the time (turning 18 in a few months) and he was 22 (turning 23 soon). But he was always busy with work, as he would say. That fall he also went on leave to the U.S but for some reason couldn’t come visit me. During winter break that year, I went back to the Middle East to spend the holidays with my family and I met up with him at his place and it was amazing. We did this again when I visited during spring break. He goes on leave again but again, couldn’t visit me in Canada, for some made up reason. Fast forward to summer of 2017, he becomes distant and talks to me less and less and honestly I got pretty depressed, for reasons regarding him and other personal things in my life. Looking back I have to admit I let him control a lot of my happiness, which is sad. We had had plans to meet up again during the summer, but for him to come visit me in Canada. It’s 2 weeks from the date we had planned and he keeps saying things like “I’m trying, still working things out with the base and if I can take leave to Canada”. Anyways, he stops responding to me, I find out that he blocked me on Instagram and I have a panic attack. This man, who had been calling me babe and love and talking about cuddling me had just blocked me. Why?? I ask my friends sister to try and follow his account to see if he has anything on there. He accepts her request and I see pictures of him...currently in Brooklyn, NY, kissing a girl on the cheek. My heart drops. He responds to my message a few days later saying he can’t come to Canada and that he just so happened to run into an into an “old friend” (aka his ex/gf) in New York (his alleged pit stop that the navy had set up for him on his way home because he was on a funded leave- probably bullshit, still don’t know) and that she kissed him on the cheek and he regretted it. He said sorry and all that fun stuff. He mentioned how he has feelings for me but that he doesn’t see us working out since we probably won’t be in the same geographical location anytime soon andI have strict parents. Anyways, we stopped talking after this. The following semester wasn’t that fun and I just felt like it wasn’t over with him, I needed closure. So December 2017, I go back to the Middle East for winter break and during one of my last few days I message him asking to meet at a coffee shop for closure, nothing else. I felt like I needed it to move on. I needed to know why he had just ditched me and thrown me aside like trash after calling me babe one week prior and never mentioning his worries about our relationship. We meet up and he says he was a coward and apologizes a lot and says that a day didn’t go by that he didn’t regret doing what he did. I was stern but also just happy to be around him, he was so charming and charismatic, he was one of those people who got along with anyone. Everyone loved him. Me and him had had an instant connection, which I now realize was dangerous.
After this I go back to Canada for university and we start talking again, mostly him trying to get my attention all the time. I loved his constant attention towards me, for once it was him initiating everything and not me. I then find out he has orders for San Diego, he was leaving the Middle East and heading back to the U.S. He says that I should come to San Diego, he’d pay for my ticket and I (who clearly still wasn’t over him) said yes. So after my finals end, we meet up and everything is amazing. Honestly, it’s better than amazing, it’s perfect. We finally had so much time do whatever we wanted together and for once I am the sole focus. No video calls cut short by him getting busy, no parents getting in the way - just us. This dynamic continues during 2018 where we are officially together, boyfriend and girlfriend, video chatting while I’m in Canada studying and he’s working in the U.S. We text everyday and video chat as often as we can. However, his attention starts to dwindle, he’s still loving and caring, but not as much as when we first started talking again. The shiny new toy isn’t so shiny anymore. I fought for his attention a lot, which I now regret. I should have walked away so much sooner. I visit him again in the summer of 2018 and then again that November. Then early 2019 is when it starts to all go downhill. He says that his team is going out to sea for a week at a time. Going out to sea one week then stopping at a port for one day and going back out to sea the next day. He says he’ll only be able to talk through the ships email. I’m super supportive and email him telling him how much I miss him and asking him if he’s doing okay and to eat well and take care of himself. He responds after a week saying that the computer has been shitty. He was due to be back home in SD by March 15th, I excitedly await his arrival message. Expecting an “I missed you so much babe” or “Hey hun, I’m back”. I see him online on Facebook, so I know he’s back. I don’t say anything since I want to know what’s going on with him. I wait 2 days and he finally messages me saying “hey beautiful”. That’s it. Hey beautiful. No, I’m back safe or how have you been? Nothing. I ask him what’s going on and when he got back and he gives me very confusing answers. He has always been confusing, never giving straight answers - which I later realized was because everything he said was a complete lie. He says that being on the ship 24/7 messed with him mind and he was feeling off. He had a history of anxious/depressive episodes (or so he said). I sympathized with him and continued to support him, albeit the growing distance between us and his lack of replies and video chatting which was our only form of contact being long distance. Eventually I get fed up and demand to video chat, he begrudgingly agrees. We start to video call and he is visibly cold and distant, clearly wants nothing to do with me. I am so hurt, I had no idea what I had done wrong, all I wanted was a loving boyfriend, where did he go? The man who was once loving to me only 2-3 weeks prior was turning into a cold, mean stranger. In hindsight I realized what happened in 2017 was happening again here. But at the time, I was blind to it all. We continue like this from March to May, where I have to fight to get him to video chat and he goes days without talking to me. He gaslights me everyday and says that he’s not ignoring me he’s just busy or he’s anxious or he feels off. Or says things like he doesn’t want to talk to anybody. Yet I notice him online on Facebook messenger and WhatsApp everyday. He manipulates me by turning it back on me all the time, when I want to call because I miss my boyfriend and we barely talk anymore he says he doesn’t want to call me everyday. I respond by saying I never said we have to call everyday, at least once a week? This doesn’t even happen. I feel worthless. During this he always get orders for Lemoore and is starting to move there. I try to plan a trip with him and he keeps making excuses about how he doesn’t know if he can take leave. Our anniversary is approaching and I mention it to him, reminding him what day it is since he had forgotten. The day comes and I foolishly send him a happy anniversary message and no word from him. I spend the day crying and then hanging out with a girl friend in the evening to feel a bit better. The next morning I get a message from him saying happy anniversary and apologizing for not responding, saying he was driving all day yesterday. I’m pretty sure you can call your girlfriend on your anniversary for one minute out of 24 hours. I ignore him and he sends another message saying good morning and then sends a screenshot of a booked flight ticket. I ignore him the entire day and then next morning he says good morning again, asking if I got the booking details. I say I received it all but ask him for one good reason to come after the way he has treated me for the past few months and on our anniversary. He says he doesn’t know what to say and that he’s sorry. He says that he knows we’ve been going through a rough patch for a while and we have barely talked but that he’s working on it. I try to believe him and after some more talking, agree to come visit. Fast forward to when I visit him again and everything is off. He’s the same but...different. I said I don’t want to do anything with him until we talk it all out. We sit on his bed and I ask him if he cheated on me, if he kissed someone else, if he went on a date with anyone else. He says no to everything. I had no choice other than believing him, I had no proof - just a feeling. During the visit he barely kisses me, saying he hasn’t been in a “loving mood” and I am so hurt. It fucking hurts hearing the love of your life say those words to you. Recoiling from a kiss with you. Yet, he would still have sex with me. The first time we had sex during that trip I asked to stop and started crying. I don’t know why, everything just felt off and weird. He rolled over and asked why I was crying, I said I didn’t know and he just said that he was really confused. I cried a lot during that trip and he would cheer me up or apologize and I would feel better in the moment. At one point he opened up a box of things to show me something and I notice an instax Polaroid camera. I state that I never knew had a Polaroid camera and he replies that it’s his 7 year old god sons. It sounded so fishy but for the sake of not fighting I didn’t question it. He says “let’s put this box high up” and puts it in the garage where I can’t reach it. After the trip I head home with foolish hopes of an improved relationship, but after a few days he goes back to to being cold and distant and ignoring me. Honestly, I don’t know why I stayed after all of that. But a part of me believes that I stayed long enough to find proof of what was truly going on. At this point I am anxious everyday and his behaviour is affecting my mental health and daily activities. I withdrew from my spring class because I couldn’t study and was going to fail. During the time I have the urge to look through his followers because I had a very strong feeling and I notice a girls name that I wasn’t familiar with. I don’t know how I knew but I just knew something was up with her. I request to follow her with a separate Instagram account and what I saw was something I was I could never prepare for. Her most recent post was a picture of her kissing my boyfriend at her mom’s wedding. It had been posted 2 days prior. My heart shattered into a million pieces. I couldn’t breathe. The world was spinning around me. In that moment I knew, everything made sense. Every excuse made sense. Every lie was clear. He had a new girlfriend....while I was technically still his girlfriend. What kind of sick, twisted person does that? You can’t have two girlfriends, you can’t fuck two people. We had been talking about breaking up that past week but I couldn’t seem to let go or go through with it, but with this information I was given the gift to be able to move in without looking back - no regrets. I text him saying that he’s right, we should go our own way and video chat one last time tonight to say our goodbyes. We get on video chat and he’s super nice (probably excited to finally end it with me so he can be free of me and enjoy his new girlfriend guilt-free). I question his behaviour and he lies to my face and this time I know it’s a lie because I now know the truth. I ask him what he did the past weekend and he says “oh went to the lake with some buddies”. It’s quiet for a bit and I say “you should really find that thong I left at your place, you know, in case _____ finds it”. He doesn’t move, doesn’t even flinch. He’s frozen. I continue saying that he thinks I’m stupid, he thinks I’m an idiot, that he can just manipulate me and that I wouldn’t find out anything. After I finish all he says is “I know this sounds bad but..I’m a people pleaser”. Are you fucking kidding me. No apology, nothing. He isn’t a people pleaser, all he does is please himself. Where was pleasing me happening during all of this? All I did was cry everyday. And I know, I should have taken control of my own life, relationship and emotions but I couldn’t let go. I couldn’t make myself let go, I knew that I would always look back or regret it. But finding out what he did allowed me to break it off with him with no regrets. I ask him again what he did the past weekend and he admits he was hanging out with her. I ask him whose Polaroid that truly was and he says it was hers. I then asked him he if the other girl knew about us and he said no. I told him I was going to tell her and he pleaded with me to not, he said that he would. I didn’t believe him and made him write her a message me and send it to her in front of me. Then I got emotional....I was hurt. Why did she get an apology and not me? I deserved an apology. He then fake cried and said that he was so sorry and that he would handwrite me an apology note and mail it to me. He said that he would buy a journal and write his thoughts in it everyday and that I could read them and hold him accountable - what the fuck? He was just trying to be the good guy and manipulate me into believing he was a good person. But I finally knew the real him. He never sent me that apology note, of course. I truly deserved one but I guess once a coward, always a coward. It’s funny, he sent me some of my things that I had left at his place during my visit and along with those things he sent back some polaroids I took of us. In what world would I want pictures of us back, why couldn’t he just throw them out? I truly wanted to end things on good terms with him, even an apology would have helped how he looked in my eyes. But no apology just proved to me the kind of person he truly was. Also, after that last video chat we never spoke again and removed each other on everything.
I never asked him how they met or when they did because I did not and still do not want to know. That moment broke my heart and it will never truly be the same. My trust in people isn’t the best, but I’m trying. Earlier this year I was scrolling through my messenger chats trying to find one with a friend and swiped past my chat with him. I saw that his profile picture was a selfie with her - they were still together. It hurt so much. I don’t know how she could be with someone who cheated on both of us. Their relationship was founded on cheating. I don’t know if he has changed, I believe that he needs therapy and to be alone for a while to truly learn how to treat and respect women. It also hurts to think that he did changed...why couldn’t he change for me. Why couldn’t I ever be enough for him.
In the midst of me finding out about his new girlfriend. I found another one of his exes accounts, the one that he had been with in Brooklyn, NY, 2 years prior. I find out that all the times he had been on leave in 2016/2017 he had been with her. She was his girlfriend at the time, while he had been flirting with me, video chatting me and meeting up with me when I would visit the Middle East at the time. What a piece of lying shit. It all made sense. After we ended things I realized so much. He lied about so many things - even little things. Everything was a lie. He was such a narcissistic manipulative person. But most of all he was and IS a coward.
Another thing I reflected back on was when I cried during sex and he had the audacity to say he was confused....he KNEW he was having sex with someone else, he knew he wanted to be with her and knew that I felt something was off yet claimed to be “confused” by my crying. Acting like he didn’t know what was going on.
I have tried to move on and was in an alright relationship this year from February to May, which ended amicably. However, I feel like I am back to square one. I don’t know if it’s because this time last year everything was happening and I found out that the person I thought I would spend the rest of my life with betrayed me in unimaginable ways. I don’t know. I don’t know if this post will help. I’ve been doing good in school and got an internship but part of me still feels worthless. I was so easily replaced by someone who said they loved me and wanted to marry me. I feel myself comparing myself to the other girl and I hate it. I know that I need to learn how to love myself better. But I also can’t get over the feeling that he doesn’t deserve this relationship with her, he doesn’t deserve to get back after all he did to me and her... I feel like he will never truly learn his lesson until the same things happens to him, until someone he truly loves betrays him the same way. Because he cheated on his ex with me, he cheated on me with her, and technically he cheated on that new girl with me when I came to visit. I don’t know how to stop hoping for their relationship to end. Because if they last then it proves that he changed for her and couldn’t for me. It proves that I wasn’t worth it to him. It hurts so much. I wish I could just get over him already. If they can move on why can’t I?
I apologize if this was all over the place, I started writing this because I felt super anxious and now here I am. I don’t know what I’m even looking for with this post but maybe getting it all off my chest will help. I just want to get past this trauma in my life because it still affects me a lot. I think I’m upset because today it’s been one whole year. One year farther away from him..from our memories. It’s weird because time is healing but also moving me farther and farther away from my last day with him. Which is so stupid but.. I guess I’m still grieving, I don’t know.
To whoever reads all of this, thank you. It means a lot.
EDIT: Also I just read this over and noticed my horrendous grammar. I apologize. It’s late and my mind is all over the place.
submitted by shewolfe18 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.06.22 13:44 LordVelaryon That day, that goal, that prodigy.

Less than eleven seconds earlier, when the Argentinian player receives the pass from a teammate, the clock in Mexico marks thirteen hours, twelve minutes and twenty seconds. In the opening scene there are also two Brits and a slightly older man of Tunisian origin. Football isn't very popular in Tunisia. That's why the African seems to be the only one who is not in an athletic mental alertness
The Tunisian is called Ali Bin Nasser and, while others run, he walks slowly. He is forty-two years old and ashamed: he knows that he will never be called again to referee an official match between nations. He also knows that if twelve years earlier, when he was injured in the Tunisian league, he had been told that he would be in a World Cup, he would not have believed it. Nor would he have believed it the afternoon he became a referee. After all, in Tunisia you only need to have the same number of legs as lungs to get the job.
But when he officiated his first match, he discovered that he would be a proper referee. And it was more than that: he managed to become the first football referee to be recognised on the streets of his city. He was called up for the 1984 African qualifiers and his judgment proved to be so good that a year later he was called up to command in a World Cup.
In Mexico he was asked for autographs, had pictures taken with him and slept in the most luxurious hotel. He had successfully refereed the Poland-Portugal match in the group stage, and watched the left half in a Denmark-Spain match where the Danes played the whole second half with a high-line; he didn't make a single mistake when he raised his flag.
When the organisers informed him that he would be directing a quarterfinal - no Tunisian judge had ever come this far - Ali called home from the hotel, with reverse charge, told it to his father and both cried.
That night he slept through hot flashes and had two dreams of ridicule. In the first dream he twisted his ankle and had to be replaced by the fourth referee; in the dream, the fourth referee was his mother. In the second dream a fan jumped onto the field, pulled down his pants and he was left with his genitals hanging out in front of the world's televisions.
From each dream he woke up with his heart beating. But he never dreamed, during the eve, of validating a goal scored with a hand. He did not dream that, in Tunisian street slang, his name would become an humorous metaphor for blindness. That's why he's now refereeing the second half of that match with a desire to see it end soon.
Now the Argentinian player touches the ball with his left foot and moves it half a metre out of the shadows. The heat is over 30 degrees and that spider-shaped shade is the only one in many meters around.
Around the field, one hundred and fifteen thousand people follow the player's movements but only two, those closest to the scene, can prevent his advance.
Their names are Peter: Raid one, Beardsley the other. Both were born in the north of England, one in the riverbed and the other at the mouth of the River Tyne; they both had, a few years earlier, a son whom they named Peter; they both divorced their first wife before travelling to Mexico; and they are both convinced, at the thirteen hours, twelve minutes and twenty-one seconds, that it will be easy to take the ball away from the Argentinian player because he received it with his weak foot and there are two of them: one at his front and the other at his back.
They don't know that, a decade later, Peter Raid Jr. and Peter Beardsley Jr. will be friends, they will be fifteen and sixteen years old and they will be dancing at a London rave.
A Scotsman named O'Connor - who will later become a screenwriter for comedian Sacha Baron Cohen - will recognize them and, in the middle of the dance, will dodge them with a feint and a dribble. He will do it once, twice, three times, imitating the dance move that now, ten years before, the Argentine player practices on his parents.
Raid Jr. and Beardsley Jr. will not get the joke, so other rave participants will join O'Connor's mockery and a loop of dancers will form, in the form of a human train, dodging the boys in two stages. Peter Raid Jr. will be the first to understand the taunt, and will tell his friend, "It's because of our parents' video, the one from Mexico 86".
Peter Beardsley Jr. will make a gesture of humiliation and the two friends will escape from the party, chased by dozens of boys who will shout, in chorus, the name of the player who ten years ago, right now, is running away from his parents with a move of his waist.
Soon Raid Sr. and Beardsley Sr. will stop chasing the player: it will be the job of other teammates to try to stop him. They now remain frozen in the middle of a tape that time turns, in slow motion, from VHS to Youtube.
Now their children are five and six years old and will not remember seeing the player's dribble directly, but in their early teens they will see it a thousand times on video and will no longer have any respect for their parents.
Peter Raid and Peter Beardsley, still in midfield, don't know what exactly has happened in their lives to make it all fall apart.
Quickly and with short steps, the Argentinian player moves the scene to the opposite side of the pitch. He has only touched the ball three times in his own field: once to receive it and outwit the first Peter, the second to step on it gently and outflank the second Peter, and a third to push the ball away towards the dividing line.
When the ball crosses the chalk line, the player has covered ten of the fifty-two meters he will walk and has taken eleven of the forty-four steps he will have to take.
At thirteen hours, twelve minutes and twenty-three seconds of midday shouts of astonishment come down from the stands and the asses of the radio announcers come off the seats in the transmission cabins: the free space that the player has just found on the right side, after the double dribble and his stride, makes everybody understand the danger.
Everybody except Kenny Sansom, who appears behind the two Peter's and chases the player with a parsimony that seems to be from another sport. Sansom accompanies the Argentinian player without despair, as if he was taking a young son for his first bike ride.
"You looked like if you were playing in training, for fucks sake," manager Bobby Robson tells him two hours later in the dressing room. "That wasn't you," his half-brother Allan will tell him a year later, both drunk, in a pub in Dublin.
Kenny Sansom will rewind the video a thousand times in the future. He'll see his lazy step, almost a trot, as the player slips away.
He will start, in November of that year, to have problems with gambling and alcohol. In the tabloids he will be nicknamed "White" Sansom because of his fondness for white wine.
His only friend from the golden age will be Terry Butcher, perhaps because both will share the same traumatic experience.
Butcher is the one who now, when the radio reporters and spectators in the stands are still standing, throws a failed tackle at the player advancing on his sideline. Butcher will chase the player madly and throw a second kick, this time with a murderous intent, in the apex of the small box.
Terry Butcher will also never overcome the ghost of those ten seconds at the Mexican midday. "He only dribbled the rest of my teammates once, but he dribbled me twice, the little bastard," he will tell the press many years later, with his eyes glazed over.
Kenny Sansom and Terry Butcher will never return to Mexico, not even to the tourist beaches far from Mexico City. In the future, without children or stable partners, they will have as a hobby (at almost sixty years old each) to get together to drink whisky on Thursday nights and invent new insults against the Argentinian player who now, unmarked, enters the big box with the ball stuck to his feet.
Before the start of the play, a man gives a bad pass. With that mistake, the story begins. He could have played backwards or to his right, but he decides to send the ball to the player who is less free. That man is called Hector Enrique and he stays motionless after the pass, with his hands on his waist. After that game he will never be able to separate from the player, as if an invisible string from that vertical pass was transformed, over time, into a magnetic field.
Enrique doesn't know it yet, but he will take part in a World Cup again, 24 years later and on African soil. He will be part of the coaching staff of a manager who, fatter and older, will have the same face as the young man who now runs in a zigzag. And he will end his career even further, in the United Arab Emirates, back on the right side of the player who, two seconds ago, was given a pass to the wrong foot.
For many nights in the future, in a strange country where women have to sit in the back seat of cars, Enrique will wonder what would have happened if, instead of that bad delivery, he had given the ball to Jorge Burruchaga, his second choice.
Burruchaga is the one who now runs parallel to the player through the midfield. It's the thirteen hours, twelve minutes and twenty-four seconds and he's convinced that the player will give him the pass before entering the box, that he's just taking the defenders away to leave him alone in front of the three posts.
Burruchaga runs and looks at the player; with a body gesture he tells him "I'm free in the middle" and while he waits for the pass in vain he doesn't know that one day, some years later, he will accept a bribe in the French league and will be punished by the International Federation. Another misplaced delivery. But he, frozen in the present, still runs and waits for the pass that never comes.
Days later he will score the decisive goal of the final, but the world will only have eyes and memory for another goal. Year after year, tribute after tribute, his will not be the one most admired.
One night, Burruchaga will call to Saudi Arabia to talk with his friend Hector Enrique, and he will lament, a little jokingly, a little seriously, that goal scored by someone else that overshadowed the decisive goal of the final. Then Enrique will see a sandstorm out the window and, without intending to, will make him smile. "That goal wasn't so great," he'll say, "I gave him the pass, if he didn't scored it, it was to kill him".
Inside the pitch the wind is blowing at 12 kilometers per hour. If it had been blowing at 60 kilometers per hour, as it did in Mexico City six days later, the play might have not ended well.
The advance seems fast by an optical illusion, but the player regulates the rhythm, slows down and deceives. There is a secret geometry to the precision of that zigzag, a rigour that would have been broken by a change in the wind or the reflection of a wristwatch from the stands.
Terry Fenwick thinks about the variables of randomness as he showers crestfallen after defeat. Especially in one, the least far-fetched.
Before the game, Fenwick advised his manager Bobby Robson that it would be best to give the opposing player a man-to-man marking. Bobby responded that the marking would be zonal, as in previous games.
What would have happened if Robson had listened to him? asks himself Terry Fenwick, naked in the solitude of the dressing room, with water hitting his temples.
Right now, at thirteen hours, twelve minutes and twenty-six seconds of midday, he sees the player arrive with the ball dominated; he thinks he's going to pass it into the centre of the box. Fenwick thinks the same as Burruchaga, he leans his whole body on his right leg to avoid the pass and leaves the left flank unlocked. The player, with a small jump, enters then through the free space, steps on the box and finds the three posts.
"Fuck", Terry Fenwick told the press in 1989, "he ruined my career in four seconds". Two years after the outburst, in 1991, Fenwick will spend four months in prison for drunk driving. He will say, by the middle of the next decade, that he would not shake hands with the Argentinian player if he saw him again.
At the same period, one of his daughters will turn eighteen. During the party, Terry Fenwick will find her kissing an Argentinian on a beach in Trinidad. He will recognize the boy's identity because of a blue and white jersey with the number ten on the back. Fenwick does not know it yet, but in his old age he will be coaching an unknown team called "San Juan Jabloteh" in Trinidad and Tobago, a country that played only one World Cup, but has beaches.
Fenwick will get drunk every day on the sand of those beaches. On the afternoon of his daughter's meeting with the Argentinian, he'll want to get close to the boy and beat him. The Argentinian will make a gesture to go out to the left and then escape to the right. Fenwick, again, will eat the feint.
Eight steps, out of forty-four, will give the player inside the box, and they will be enough to understand that the scenario is not auspicious.
There is one opponent breathing at his neck on his right, Terry Butcher; another on his left, Glenn Hoddle, prevents him from giving the ball to Burruchaga; Fenwick has recovered from the feint and now covers the possible pass backwards, and at the front, goalkeeper Peter Shilton closes into him from the near post.
The north, south and east are closed to any manoeuvres. It is now thirteen hours, twelve minutes and twenty-seven seconds. Three more hours in Buenos Aires. Six more hours in London.
In any city in the world, at any time of the day or night, trying to get a shot on goal in the middle of that mess of legs is impossible, and the one who knows it best is Jorge Valdano, who arrives alone, very alone, on the left.
No one notices Valdano's existence, neither now in the box nor during primary school, in Santa Fe's town of Las Parejas.
Jorge Valdano sat reading novels by Emilio Salgari while his classmates played football during breaks, swirling around behind the ball. Football seemed like a basic game to him at the age of nine, but something happened to him at eleven: he understood the rules and knew, without surprise, that the other kids didn't practice it with intelligence.
He began to play with them and, while the rest chased the ball without strategy, he moved around the sidelines looking for the geometry of the sport.
And he was good. He played for two clubs in the town and was soon called from Rosario to play for Newell's youth teams; he made his debut in the Argentinian first division before he was eighteen. At twenty he was a world-youth champion in Toulon. At twenty-two he had already played for the senior national team.
But in those dizzying years he never loved the sport above all. If he was given a choice between a game among friends or a good novel, he always chose the book.
Until that moment in his thirties, Valdano was not sure he had chosen his true vocation. That's why now, as he waits for the pass, he finally feels that this could be his destiny, that perhaps he has come into the world to touch that ball and place it in the net.
He knows that the player's only option is to pass to the left. He has no other choice. As he steps into the box he thinks: "If he doesn't give it to me, I'll leave everything and become a writer."
But the player enters the box without looking at him. Neither Butcher, Fenwick, Hoddle nor Shilton are aware of him. Not even the cameraman, who follows the play with zoom, can pick him out in time. In the video, Valdano is a ghost who only shows his full body when the ball is in the apex of the small box. Jorge Valdano does not know it yet, but at the end of that tournament he will start writing short stories.
There is no greater enemy for an striker than the goalkeeper. The rest of the rivals can use the sneaky tackle or the knees for the thigh blow. It doesn't matter, they are legal weapons in a man's sport and the attacked can return the action on the next play.
But the goalkeeper, the guardian, the goalie, the keeper (like Lucifer's, their names are endless) can touch the ball with his hands.
The goalkeeper is an anomaly, an exception capable of undoing with his hands the best acrobatics that other men do with their feet. And until that day no outfield player had ever managed to repay that affront at a World Cup.
So now, when the player steps into the box and looks into the eyes of goalkeeper Peter Shilton (grey shirt, white gloves) he understands the hate in the Englishman's eyes.
Half an hour earlier, the Argentinian had avenged every attacker in the history of football: he had scored a goal with his hand. The strikers's palm had arrived before the goalkeeper's fist. In the rules of football this action is forbidden, but in the rules of another game, more inhumane than football, justice had been done.
That is why, at this crucial moment in history, at thirteen hours, twelve minutes and twenty-nine seconds, Peter Shilton knows he can get revenge. He knows full well that it is in his hands to disrupt the greatest goal of all times. He needs to do it, moreover, to return to his country as a hero.
Shilton was born in Leicester, 36 years before that Mexican midday. Already a living legend, he didn't need to make it to his first and last World Cup to prove it.
He doesn't know it yet, but he'll be playing professionally until he's forty-eight. In the future, he will play the leading role in many unforgettable saves which, added to those of the past, will make him the greatest English goalkeeper.
However (and he doesn't know this either) in the future there will be an encyclopedia, more famous than the Britannica, that will say about him: "Shilton, Peter: English goalkeeper who received, on the same day, the goals known as 'the hand of God' and 'of the century'.
That will be his karma and it's better that he doesn't know it, because he's still looking into the eyes of the approaching Argentinian player and he's covering his left post like his teachers taught him. He believes Terry Butcher can make it in time with the final tackle. "Maybe this will end in a corner," he thinks. "Maybe I can reach the ball with my fingertips."
Nor does he know that two years later a video game with his name will be released in Great Britain, entitled "Peter Shilton's Handball", or that his children will play it, in secret, during the 1992 holiday season.
It is better that he does not know the future now, because he must decide, right now, what the next move of the player will be. And he decides: Shilton plays to the left, throws himself to the ground and waits for the left-footed shot across. The Argentinian, who does know the future, chooses to play to the right.
Before touching the ball with his left foot for the last time, at the thirteen hours, twelve minutes and thirty seconds of the Mexican midday, the Argentinian player sees that he has left Peter Shilton behind; sees that Jorge Valdano is dragging Terry Fenwick; sees that Peter Raid, Peter Beardsley and Glenn Hoddle have been left on the road; sees Terry Butcher who throws himself at his feet with his boots spiked; sees Jorge Burruchaga who slows down his career with resignation; sees Hector Enrique, still stuck in the middle of the field, who makes a fist with his right hand; He sees his manager jumping off the bench as if he'd been sent off by a rocket and the other manager, the rival, looking down so as not to see the end of his advance; he sees a redheaded man with a smoking pipe on the first row of the stands; He sees the line of chalk on the opponent's goal and remembers the face of the worker who, during half-time, went over it with a roller; he clearly sees his brother the Turk who, aged seven, throws in his face a mistake he made at Wembley in a similar move; he sees his brother's lips full of caramel when he says:
"Next time, don't shoot it across, you little fool, you'd better do feint to the goalie and go right."
He sees his brother's face with the light of the kitchen where the scene took place, he sees the mischief with which he was looking at him; he sees, behind the goal, a sign that says Seiko in white letters on a blue background; he sees the green painted nails of his first girlfriend, the day he met her, and he sees that same girl, now a woman, breastfeeding a child; he sees a deflated ball and he sees himself, at the age of nine, trying to dominate it; he sees his mother and father dragging, with effort, a huge kerosene can along a dirt road where it has rained; he sees a box in a locker room in La Paternal, which bears his name and surname in bright letters, he sees his adolescent pride when he first reads his name and surname at his locker; he sees a stadium, its wooden boards, and he also sees that one day the whole stadium, and not just the locker, will bear his name.
The Argentinian player has controlled the air in his lungs for nine seconds, and now he is about to release all the air in one breath.
Unlike all the opponents and teammates he has left behind, he can breathe with his left leg, and can also sense the future as he moves forward with the ball at his feet.
He sees, ahead of time, that Shilton will throw himself to the right; he sees Terry Butcher's murderous intention behind him, he sees himself, many years later, with a grandson in his arms, visiting the entrance of the Azteca Stadium where a bronze statue with no name stands: just a young player with a proud chest, a ball at his feet and a date engraved on the base: June 22, 1986; he sees a rave in London where two fifteen-year-old boys escape from a mocking crowd; he sees a shady apartment where there is only one table, two friends and a mirror on the table; he sees a girl on a tropical beach who lets herself be kissed by a boy wearing an Argentina shirt; He sees a swarm of journalists and photographers outside every airport, every terminal, every stadium and every shopping mall in the world; he sees a boy playing a video game in the city of Leicester while his brother watches through the window to make sure his father doesn't show up; he sees the body of an old man who died in Switzerland eight days before that midday, a man who also saw all the things in the world in a single moment.
He sees Fiorito at day; he sees Napoli at afternoon; he sees Barcelona at night.
He sees Boca's stadium about to burst and he's in the middle of the pitch but he doesn't have a ball on his feet but a microphone in his hand; he sees an old man at Carthage's airport, waiting for his son on the last flight from Mexico, to hug and comfort him; he sees a swollen ankle; he sees a Red Cross nurse, chubby and smiling; he sees all the goals he's scored and the ones he'll score; he sees all the goals he's shouted and the ones he'll shout; he sees himself, at fifty-three years old, watching from a balcony the world's final at the Maracaná; he sees the day when he will see his mother for the last time; he sees the night when he will see his father for the last time; he sees all his children's children grow up; he sees the pains of a woman who is about to give birth to a left-footed child in Rosario, one year and two days later than that Mexican midday; he sees a minimal, impossible, unreachable space between the right post and Terry Butcher's boot.
He closes his eyes. He lets himself fall forward, with his body bowed, and the whole world becomes silent.
The player knows that he has taken forty-four steps and twelve touches, all with his left foot. He knows the move will take ten seconds and six decimals. Then he thinks it is time to explain to everyone who he is, who he has been and who he will be until the end of time.

10,6 seconds by Hernan Casciari in "Messi is a dog & other football stories" (2016).

submitted by LordVelaryon to soccer [link] [comments]


2020.06.16 21:59 pineapplesnmangoes 31 F introverted but friendly nerd seeks friends

Hello! hi there I hope this day finds you well and the weather to be good. I’m not good at talking about myself but I’ll try.
I’ve learned that once you reach a certain age that it actually becomes harder to make friends and being introverted doesn’t help.
I like movies and tv shows and discussing characters and plots. I’m always open to recommendations. Lately I’ve been revisiting a lot from my childhood bc that makes me happy! I enjoy reading, fiction, high fantasy, supernatural and occult things are my favorite. I get very attached to books they’ve gotten me through some things. I’m imaginative and creative and love things that feed into that.
I play a lot of video games. I prefer story driven single player but time to time I do break out some online games. Playing with randoms gives me anxiety. Super excited for TLOU 2 and cyberpunk. I’m also just started FF XIV.
I like to think of myself as friendly and kind with an acceptable sense of humor. I am very LGBTQIA+ friendly and would love to make friends of . I love the idea of traveling but having anxiety makes airports a nightmare.
A few random things about me. I’m an animal person. I will try to help or save anything I come across. I am the girl who will dive around with a massive turtle in her passenger seat trying to find an acceptable release spot. I like growing plants and often name them. I listen to all genres of music. I can find something I like in all of them. I find history fascinating. I was once an identical twin. I LOVE the beach my dream would be to live in a sleepy little beach town. I once took the train from Orange County in CA down to San Diego and those little towns we passed seemed like a dream. My favorite ride at Disney is the Indiana Jones one. My idea of a good time is curling up in a blanket with a cup of jasmine tea with a good book or a video game.
I’m always happy to chat and meet new people of all walks of life feel free to dm me I also have discord if you’d prefer to chat there.
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anthontarrtranin.tk

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